Love Prince

Um, so Rudolph Valentino just gave me his email address: love_prince68@yahoo.com.

I am not making that up. How could I?

My rule is to never solicit emails unless I'm, say, supposed to marry the guy. But I accept them. Why not? This is too good, and I am trying so hard not to die laughing as he sits in the room with me asking if I will IM with him.

He just scolded me for planning to go home with a stranger - I had to ask him to translate for me with her earlier today. I did not go home with the mystery woman, however, because she wanted me to stay until Sunday. Sunday? Today's Thursday. Four days and three nights - that's like a holiday excursion. He's like, "Why you want to go home with her? You don't know her. What if they do things you don't like? Why you not come home with me?" The stationery boys tell me he's married, but I say that's all completely inconsequential. If there were another Internet cafe around, I would probably go there, though this like Cheers and there's comfort in that. But all the other internet cafes are across town by the university. And I really like where I'm staying, here right in downtown, and the internet cafe is less than a block away - feels like my living room. So it's all good, and the love prince will be kept to commenting on my loveliness.

I'm excited about my Indian digs - for like $12 a night which is a splurge for India but in my price and comfort range.

Hey Jen - congratulations on starting work!! You'll be fantabulous!!

So, tomorrow is a little stressful - getting to the bus station and then catching the right bus to Amman and then from there the right bus to the airport - all with luggage and needing to be there on-time. I'm too cheap to pay the 20 JD (like $30) to get to the airport because ... well, because I'm cheap and it makes me feel like I'm not a Real Traveler if I don't rough it a bit more.

OK, I think it's time for my Last Knafe and then back to the hotel for packing. Sigh.

free food

Today being my last day before Friday (when all shops are closed), I cruised around with camera in hand. By my favorite bakery, snapped a couple pics with permission - and he pushed baklava on me. No argument. Then rounding the corner to the nut shop that always smells AMAZING, and the guy takes me to the back room to see the roasting in action, plus a big handful of fresh roasted cashews.

Lunch, free, courtesy of my Powershot. Wandering through the market, all these guys wanted their picture taken. Pretty boys are pretty boys everywhere.

Every computer here in the place is busy, and I have a bit of time to work out travel plans - I see the mystery woman is here already, so we'll take off on my afternoon mystery tour soonish. This computer is SOOOOO slow. Sigh.

So, my reservations are changed through Bangkok - getting there October 26th. My San Francisco travel agent will handle the other change, and I may actually be back in the US before Halloween. I'm also scheming a Christmas trip to Ghana, but we'll see how much that costs. Hopefully I'll be gainfully employed as an educator then, and as much as people complain about how little teachers make it's always been enough for me.

Oh my. The boy next to me is looking at really hard-core porn. Icky!

And now he's smoking. Sigh.

I'm looking up job openings - in Fontana district right now (can't see Riverside Unified's) - and there are a number that I'm qualified for. Don't know that they'll still be open in a month and a week, or if there will be new ones, but I can hope. It's no easy job to walk into a classroom that hasn't had a teacher since the beginning of the year, but at least I'll be paid well and can attend UCR classes and move forward with my plans.

Ugh. Stupid server. It all crashed. And it won't let me copy it into a Word document, and I can't post it. What to do? Besides get annoyed that I'm paying for all this time that isn't actually usable because of the slow computers and server? OK I'll try to post. Sigh.

knafe connoisseur

OK, the Rudolph Valentino guy just told me I have to sleep here at the internet cafe tomorrow and then fixed my chair while I was sitting in it. We are close, I see.

Here I am again because I am so desperate to have a conversation where people understand me and I understand them that I will just reread all email. I went to the knafe/knefeh place nextdoor and the guy approached me after we got through the simple business of ordering and said, "Fondo?" Um, WTF? I have no clue what he was saying, and he got disgusted and walked away. Then I stopped at the store for water (all these desserts have so much sugar that they require lots of water) and the shop clerk said, "What go you for in Jordan?" Um, WTF? I'm so confused. And I feel like an idiot because it's all my fault for not speaking Arabic. Sigh. And Mahmoud was feeling under the weather today, so my only chance for real conversation didn't happen much.

The only cute boy I've mentioned (who hangs out in the stationery store) I've now made blush (again, I think Roberta would be proud). He's probably young enough to be my son. Oh - good news - I've apparently aged significantly in the time I've been gone. People now guess my age to be about 35.

Wow, Temple University Law School just also waived my application fee for law school. Too bad, Temple, I'm PhD bound.

So, after my last time here, I went to the stationery store to ask how late buses run (thinking of my stranger visit tomorrow and my lack of desire to sleep with her despite her enthusiasm). Mahmoud actually looked concerned about who this stranger is that I'm going away with. "You have to decide if you trust her," he said. "Mahmoud, I did not know you AT ALL." "Yes, but that was ok." Hm. In my mind, showing up in a completely foreign land with him as my only contact, and that only after having met him once briefly while serving me food and then an afternoon together in Davis - THAT is a leap of faith and trust. Now that I'm here and believe Jordanians commit no crimes, do no bad things - to get on a bus with a total stranger seems fine. (Although, I did know his connection to UC Davis and he's not some random person completely.) (He asked if she is the woman who works at the cafe ... the same woman who asked me yesterday where my friend is ... am I sensing a love connection in their inquiries about each other? I like her - she's smart and friendly. Hm ... how can I hook these two up?? But no, it's not her.)

But, I'll have her leave contact number and address at the hotel so he can reach me or call out the Jordanian National Guard before I'm whisked off to be held hostage in Libya or something. Oh wait, are they still axis of evil? I always get confused, since the one proclaiming that whole BS is the most evil that I know of. And I picture the rescue as interesting as the time I was rescued by Search and Rescue in the Oregon wilderness - only before the offical S&R guys could get there, my friends Lara and Jacque came roaring up with food and water for both me and Selma. This time, it would be Mahmoud with the stationery boys and IT boys, Rudolph Valentino leading the charge. I wonder if they would ride camels or horses, or steal a diesel minivan.

Anyway, boys are funny - they get this paternal thing going sometimes. And it can be entertaining in VERY small doses, but I already have a father and don't need more. And my father doesn't tell me what to do, and neither do my closest friends. Because, I think I'm Arab at heart. I was going to use the Net2Phone thing, but Mamoon's brother said it's always a crappy connection, so I didn't. Mamoon later said, "Oh, you listened to him? I thought you would be like an Arab and do the opposite of what you're told."

Bee Gees playing. Staying Alive. As long as nobody talks to me, I could be anywhere in the English speaking world. The other IT guy, with one leg and you can imagine how badly I want to ask him how he lost his leg, was trying to make conversation, but I'm here with a mission to find a hostel in Thailand. Oh - think I found one - above an internet cafe.

Oh, there's Hotel California again. Mr. One Leg does love me.

Oh, Rudolph Valentino just offered me coffee and said, "This song for you." Um, it might be time for me to mosey along soon. I know I'm extremely slow about realizing when people are "friendly" but I'm not a complete idiot.

OK, found an excellent hotel in Chennai (India) for me - $10/night and airport pickup and breakfast and tours arranged from there and centrally located. Perfect.

OK, time to head back and read some more of Beloved. Yes, Toni Morrison's. I finished Jude the Obscure, then The Antelope Wife by Louise Erdrich, and then Gemini by Nikki Giovanni (not recommended). I'm on a roll. I like Beloved - I think I started to read it almost 20 years ago and it made no sense to me, but now I'm enjoying it and while it's definitely deep and multi-layered, not inaccessible. Tomorrow I need to walk around and take lots more pictures of cool shops and all that.

OK, "Hotel California" for the third time is starting to get creepy.

friendly women

I'm sitting here in the internet cafe and just got invited someplace. Unfortunately she speaks very little English and I speak no Arabic at all (just thank you, which I say LOTS), and all I understand is "visit" and "very beautiful there" and now she's trying to get me to stay the night there. Um, yeah, but I leave Friday! I spend most of my time here just following people (usually Mahmoud) around and agreeing to everything, but at some point I need to just say no. I mean, on the one hand it would be fun to see more homes and more people at home here, but on the other I still have books to read because I have to leave them behind, and I am digging this quietude. Ahmed, who works the night shift at the hotel, insists I visit him more often because I must be lonely, but I wonder when I would have the chance to be lonely. I spend all day with people, so my late evenings are nice for aloneness. Which is not loneliness. But this liking quiet and privacy seems anomalous behavior in Jordan.

Roberta will be pleased to know there is now a swarthy hero in the form of an IT guy. He keeps hitting on me, touching me - I do no flirting, but want to stay on good terms. He looks sort of like Rudolph Valentino, and he smokes like a chimney. How did people ever find smoking to be sexy? Blech.

I just googled the hotel I'm staying at in Egypt - it's very nice and I did get a pretty good deal. It is my little luxury of this trip. I deserve it after the bucket showers of Awutu.

Yusef my travel agent here is trying to change my flights but his computer keeps crashing. I think I'll go with two weeks in India then a few days in Bangkok. I'm eager to get back - to get work, to get to work on my dissertation prospectus (my first goal: to read everything ever written about Liberia). Before, I couldn't wait to leave; now, I can't wait to get back. I'm goal-fueled.

My little crisis of the day is that I have to leave behind a whole TON of stuff. I must shed to 20 kilos all my luggage, and the things I wanted to mail home would cost $100 for 15 pounds which is too much. Goodbye, winter coat. Goodbye, guides to Ghana and AFrica and water filter and sleeping bag. Goodbye, skirts and sandals and other clothes. Sigh.

Oh, and Mamoon wants to hang out tonight, and I'm not sure I'm up for it. It's getting hard to understand everybody's English and not commit cultural gaffes and always be happy and eager and all that. Don't get me wrong - this has been an awesome time here and I wouldn't change anything at all. I recommend Jordan to anybody, and I've been extremely blessed to know Mahmoud and him to be here. I could not have asked for a better time here.

But it's also tiring, and I'm hunkering down like I always do before I travel again. I'm a better visitor than a traveler - I like to be places, not to get there. I should keep that in mind when I plan my next trip. But Egypt will be fairly easy - no scrounging for a place to stay, though food might be scroungeful especially since Ramadan begins and restaurants aren't open during the day - and the place I'm staying is probably quite expensive for food. And back in Amman I'll just take day trips. India will be very challenging - just emailed Karthik, whom I met briefly in Ghana (a volunteer who left the day after I arrived) because he's from Chennai and asked his advice about things.

OK, I'm meeting the friendly woman tomorrow at 4 pm. Beyan I think she said her name is. Am I a crazy person because I go home with everybody who asks me? Her English is really limited, and the other woman here in the room got frustrated and finally just translated the meeting time and place for her. Hopefully I don't have to stay the night with her - I know buses don't run too late. I'll take enough money for a taxi, and I'll muster up the nerve to say, "I'd like to go home now" - something I haven't said in all the time I've been here, even when I was thinking it.

My Rudolph Valentino guy said last night I have "such a nice face." Apparently this face can open all sorts of doors for me. I'm not sure Beyan's reason for instantly befriending me, but I'm exotic. I met nice woman from Syria in the hotel - she has a couple sisters who live in Rowland Heights (LA). Once she started talking to me, suddenly she got very friendly. I think it's just crossing that threshold into talking to the crazy woman with the exposed head, and then they see I'm not a crazy monster and it's all good.

I guess one of the biggest things I've really learned here is that people are all the same everywhere. Not exactly the same, but really no difference. Sure, I always knew it, but now I'm living it. I've gone to Africa and the Middle East, places which should be the most different, and they're not. I mean, it's totally cool that I have seen the Golan Heights and castles built against Crusaders, to see the castles in Africa where slaves were kept before the journey across the ocean, to see West African dancing and culture and beaches. I have experienced amazing things and I'm extremely lucky for this trip of a lifetime.

But exotic? Nope. Nothing's really exotic or foreign or strange to me. Maybe I'm too much a cultural relativist, but I adapt alarmingly quickly to whatever is presented as the norm. Even things like polygamy don't strike me as strange until somebody wants me to partake. I wanted to go to the most exotic places possible, to challenge myself and expand my horizons ... but it seems my horizons were already as expansive as they'll get. I know that I like clothes dryers and running water and smog tested cars and pizza - but they aren't required for my happiness or fulfillment.

As I've explained before, I suffer culture shock in southern California on a regular basis. It is a world away from where I grew up - but where I grew up is a world away from the values and norms I hold now. As much as I love much of living in Riverside, it often strikes me as very strange. As strange as a west African refugee camp, or a Middle Eastern town. Discussing female genital mutilation doesn't strike me as stranger than discussing the desire to buy a new car every year - both are foreign to me.

Ah, I just heard Kenny's voice in my head - we used to have such long conversations, and he always felt that when I said things were strange and foreign that I was implying a value judgment that what is known to me is somehow better. Of course I don't. It's just arbitrary what is known and familiar to me - my values are not inherent or better. I'm happy to still have my clitoris, but it wouldn't be the end of the world if I didn't, and if I grew up that way it would seem normal probably. I'm not a huge fan of "western values" but I don't despise them either. They just are.

So, I guess what I'm saying - I'm tired of traveling. Not because of things being exotic, but because they're not. I'm not going to find Truth in India, because it's not more there to find than anywhere else. I may have found Truth in Africa, and that is Love. But I could find that anywhere - the stresses of a refugee camp just make things more intensified, more concentrated. And I'm nothing if not intense, so it was all a perfect match.

And maybe I'm tired of traveling because I gave myself a year to find The Meaning of My Existence, and it only took a couple weeks. I can help people in west Africa with education and development because I have skills and my heart is in the right place. Now I have to get my ass (which is growing daily with these wonderful desserts) back to Riverside and do what I have to do in order to go do what I really have to do. Whether I end up with Dayton or not, I feel a very strong pull to west Africa, and a responsibility.

I hear the voice in my head of a man I met at the Library of Congress last year. Charles Mwalimu, I think was his name. He said, "Everything that needs to has been studied and researched in this hemisphere [about education]. You must go to Africa because there you are needed."

And it's not like I think of myself as the great white savior - it's more, I've had incredible opportunities afforded me and I have a responsibility to use those opportunities to help others. Because it's interesting and gives my life meaning.

OK, I'm blathering on and on, while searching and organizing my impending travels. But I'm hungry, and need to go spend quality time with Yusef changing reservations (hopefully the computer works again), and have seven more books to read before Friday. Haha. (Gomez would believe I can do that, but I am not THAT fast of a reader.)

We ate today ...

Today I told Mahmoud that I should just call every blog entry that.

But before I start in with my gastronomic adventures in the promised land, let's take a vote. Blogger says I can do a little trick to make it more difficult for the spammers - do that word verification thing whenever you try to post a comment. Since the only commenters are Michele and Jenny and sometimes Roberta, let me know if you want me to turn that on or not.

OK, eating. Well, first of all ... we went to Ajloun castle today, and that was TOTALLY COOL. Constructed in the 1100's to protect against the Crusaders - it's amazing and huge and cool.

And then we ate. Yummy chicken schwarma. And went past a bakery making flat bread in a special huge oven so I bought a kilo (yes, 2.2 pounds of flatbread!!). Then we came back to Irbid and hung out with the stationery boys. Mahmoud is salivating at the thought of Ramadan ... which is pretty entertaining since Ramadan is like Lent in terms of giving up everything. People don't eat, drink, smoke, etc. during the day - but once the sun goes down they gorge on all sorts of special sweets and foods. So, he was talking about all the desserts, which have started showing up on the streets, and I said, "Stop talking about desserts! You're making me crave!" Which made Mamoon rush across the street (well, send somebody else rushing) to provide us with some extremely sweet almost-baklava with sweet cheese inside kind of thing which was way yummy but put me into a diabetic coma.

So then I went to the grocery store and picked up a can of hummus and a jar of pineapple jam, so that with the 2.2 pounds of flatbread is what I'll be eating until I leave. Yeah, right. As if I won't be tempted by everything on the street! I love street food!! Chris tells me I absolutely cannot eat street food in India because it will make me so sick like it did him, and I don't know what I'll do. That's always what I live on in foreign countries. Sigh.

Fred emailed me today which is good because I'm still mad at him for being late when I was supposed to go to the airport. But I love him like a brother, and he knows it, and I'll forgive it of course but I wasn't going to write first. The strength of the relationships I forged at Buduburam are amazing - both positive (most of them) and negative (Emmanuel, whom I never want to see or hear again because he is untrustworthy, crazy, and not very bright). I can't believe I was only there a month, and yet I feel I've known Dayton, Fred, Morris, even Joseph, and others forever. It's just funny to read from Fred because he writes it like he speaks - very distinctive, with lots of "yes."

Ah, here's a most excellent email from Stephen, when I alerted him I'll be coming back early:

>I know all of this. We had a busy weekend and I so happened to have >read your blog. Freaked me out, sistah! Part of me can't believe >you are getting married, and part of me can. I've always admired >your uncanny ability to see an opportunity and seize it. I also >know that you know that you make the best of every situation and >move on when you have to, so, I never worry about your decisions. >We just worry about you.>

>There is only one question. CAN HE COOK?

on to Egypt this week

So, I spent a long time at the travel agency with Yusef, and my plans are made. I'm off to Egypt on Friday, where I'll stay in some nice hotel and spend the days on excursions to historical sites. The airfare and everything is included for about what I feared airfare alone would be, so it's a pretty good deal - which is good because I got pillaged at the money exchanger (it was over my daily ATM limit, so needed to change some traveler's cheques too). My concern, which Yusef kept saying was not necessary, is that I'll get there and EVERYBODY will not speak any English and I'll be bumped around from place to place not having a clue. But, since it's all like 1/3 the cost of English-speaking tours I found on-line, as long as they're bumping me along and not abandoning me to my non-Arabic speaking wiles, I'll be ok.

I'll be in Egypt from this Friday to the next Friday, then back to Jordan for about five days (this was the soonest open flight onward, plus it gives me a chance to take trips from Amman to the Dead Sea and Petra) then on to Madras/Chennai (India). Yusef says he can change those reservations from India as well, which will be a nice trick since I was told I could only change things at Indian student travel agencies for large fees. I might very well try to have that all changed here and see if it works.

So, I'll spend some time now wandering around - my first day on my own. I was just at the hotel to drink some tea and get some advice, and the phone rang. I thought, "Why is Ahmed speaking English?" And when he gestured to me I thought, "Why is Mahmoud calling now and speaking English?" But, it was Dayton, which was very nice. And very serendipitous that I was even there -I've never been there in the middle of the day before.

Prices are cheap here for some things - like felafel. But for others, they're sky-high. I'm spending like $1.50 per hour here on the internet (and with my travel changes, I'm needing to do this more now), and just mailed postcards for like $1 each! That's crazy! Calling Africa is like $2.50 a minute. I just checked at the post office (nobody speaks English there, dammit) about mailing a box home and it's like $12 per kilo! ($6 a pound). That might still be worth it for my Thermarest and travel book and water filter and leather winter jacket, but I'm starting to wonder. Sigh. Mahmoud's niece and nephew are going to get a very interesting care package of all the items I leave behind - hairbrush, soap, Gatorade powder, suitcase, Thomas Hardy and Graham Greene novels, etc. etc. etc. Well, at least now I know that I must dispose of all these things before Friday - plans have been laid and I soon hit the road again.

a day alone, plans to be made

I like the idea of MERC-p, Michele, but I won't be doing any cooking. To cook Ghanaian/Liberian food is counter to every healthy instinct within me - all that palm oil! Simple carbohydrates! Yikes! And I could try to cook felafel - I've done it before - but it's just not the same without the right frying apparatus. Sigh.

So, it's back to carne with Pam! Woo hoo! Trust me, I'll be so crazy hungry for carne when I get back, I'll quickly forget everything I ever ate anywhere else. Oh, and I won't be in a big party mood - just a "Let's eat at Templo every single day forever" mood. Especially when y'all get your big plates and I get an empty one to fill from yours. :-)

OK, I'm trying to get my nerve up to deal with the travel agent and post office. It's taxing. And I'm STILL trying to finish reading Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy. I swore I wouldn't leave Jordan until I did ... only 55 pages left, thank goodness. IT's actually really interesting, if opaque often and slow-going.

Oh, look at me, procrastinating. (BTW, Michele, could I send a package to you? I have to get rid of 60 pounds from my luggage, and some of it I can just ditch, but some of it is worth the expensive cost to mail back.)

stupidest ride ever

This is what Mahmoud called our busride through Amman today, and I must agree. Ugh.

BUT, we had the most excellent hummus and fuul and pita and falafel at Hamesh - some local place with near-cult status. It was awesome. And except for the travel from hell due to Sunday (which is the first workday of the week here) traffic, a good day. Today was supposed to be the day I take care of changing tickets and all that, but at 8:00 Mahmoud called because Dr. Ogla had insisted we go to Amman with him - he was filing his dissertation and thought the trip would do me good.

Amman is an interesting city. It's still civilized like the rest of Jordan, but a little crazier. Mahmoud knows my preferences and steers me away from the westernized part, leading me instead to the downtown with the little shops and markets and houses in the hill. We wandered around the Hashemite Court - by an old Roman theatre - and streets full of people and the Jordanian University. I saw the royal palace (from a distance) and other Jordanian buildings of interest.

And then we had the "stupidest ride ever" but we're fine. It was just slow and tedious and we were impatient, and he wasn't feeling well anyway as a result from our Jerash adventures yesterday.

So, tomorrow, I will force myself to go to the travel agent and figure out how to get to Egypt and enjoy it best, and additionally I will change my tickets to India. And I will also go to the post office and figure out if I can mail stuff back to the US or if I really have to abandon like 50 pounds of guide books and winter clothes and camping gear. Ugh. That will upset me. This is not going to end well. Emirates limits total luggage to 20 kilos - which is 44 pounds. Total. For all the different places I go. I had quite the heated discussion with them in Accra, and I got out of the $376 extra that they wanted to charge me for my luggage, but I fear that won't happen again.

There are fireworks going off like crazy right outside where I'm sitting. The first time I heard them - several nights ago - I was thinking like I was still in SoCal, and my first thought was, "DUCK for cover!" But no, I'm in the Middle East, which is safer than LA. I feel safe walking out alone at night with money and everything. I could get used to this lack of fear for personal safety and property crime.

an archaeological marriage

Today Mahmoud and I went to Jerash - a very interesting former Roman city - replete with a Hadrian's Arch (currently under renovation - but pretty under the scaffolding). Where the bus let us off was a LONG way from where we needed to go and it was hot. We went to the entrance and then had to walk yet further to get tickets. Unfortunately I cannot understand Arabic at all - which is unfortunate because Mahmoud is always having a good time talking with people. Today when I told him I forgot my student ID, he was still insistent that I would not pay the 5JD (about $8) (and we had been squabbling because he ALWAYS pays for EVERYTHING).

So, he said to the ticket agents, "What if she's my wife?" The retort was, "I have a detector here and it says you're not married." Which I thought was interesting, though Mahmoud says if he had just said we are married that they would have believed it. I said I'd hold his hand for the saved 2.5JD, but no kissing. He was not amused. I think. He's very hard to read. Or maybe it was just a silly thing to say because there are NO PDA's (public displays of affection) in any form.

Oh, thank goodness there's call to prayer - it made the internet men take "Wham!" off the radio. They are quickly falling in love with me, I can see. Today when I came in they had installed new programs for me - updating and improving, they said. And before I could sit down, they had to finish putting in the huge screen. (Well, not huge to Michele and her technophilia, but huge to me.) They're very nice, and they do leave me alone eventually, so it's all good.

Just met the knafe man, too. Knafe is this really great dessert of like cheese and saffron and sugar water. Trust me, it's good. I craved it, but after our Jerash excursion Mahmoud left me to find it for myself. (We both got tremendous headaches from dehydration and the hot, brutal sun.) This guy was WAY nicer than most people. First he assumed I was German, then from Florida. Anyway, he was probably the first man to introduce himself to me without Mahmoud's direction. Just a sweet old man.

It seems most people here don't know many Americans, so I haven't started lying about it. I just smile and look friendly but not slutty - like I would neither invade a sovereign nation nor sleep with all its people. Fortunately that's my character naturally, so the act isn't hard.

Ha - thanks for the comment, Roberta. Well, I'm not yet veiled, though it looks extremely appealing, and if I were living with women I would be by now. Funniest Mahmoud comment, as we sat at the university people watching (which was very much fun - we are such ethnography geeks), "So, do you think there are a lot of cute girls here?" It was like he was suddenly channeling Gomez or something. I dunno - how quickly I adapt to what is "normal" is kinda scary ... in Ghana people touched me all the time, and here NEVER. And I'm here in the women's computer room and I'm like upset that some guy came in here. WTF?! Men and women are supposed to be separate!

Ah, the practicalities of Islam. Men and women have separate sections in mosque, and as Mahmoud said, the women's section smells better because all those smelly men with smelly feet aren't in there. Well said.

Oh, and there are NO swarthy heroes here, unfortunately. There is only one man I have found even remotely attractive, and he's just a nice guy with a friendly smile (hangs out in the stationery store where I get my Arabic lessons). This is in contrast to Ghana where I indignantly regularly protested, "There should be a law against scantily-clad men!" A muscular dark bicep - of which there were thousands - can set me off. There were so many hot men there, but here, nothing. Which is all ok. Being a married woman in a bigamist sense.

And, no there are NO Ralph's-type buildings. Lots of fun little shops and markets. There's a "supermarket" where I get my water and chocolate, but it's definitely Jordanian.

OK, I tried to post pics yesterday but no luck. So, I'll try again.

Umm Qais

Today Mahmoud and his brother Kalis picked me up after they went to mosque and we went home to Rabad's great mensaf with chicken. Yum. Then the car was loaded up and we headed off to Umm Qais which was an unexpected treat. It's an ancient city, Biblical even, and the coolest part is looking out and seeing Israel just a little ways away and Syria in the other direction. It's the Golan Heights, and that is just so incredibly cool - to see these places that I've heard about all my life! Wow!!



So, I'm here to upload photos ... but it's taking like 2 minutes per picture at least, and I have almost 300 pictures. Yikes. So, slowly but surely they'll show up on http://meewt.shutterfly.com and I'll then add captions and such.

it's Sabbath here

Today - Friday - is the weekend. Big prayer time now for most folks. Also, my favorite falafel (breakfast) place was closed, so I feel a bit disoriented.

OK, it's not only in mosques with the separation of men and women – I think I just went into the wrong room here at the internet café. It's all good – I was escorted to the correct place. And now the keeper of the computers has put on "Hotel California" for me. Which is quite a different reception than usual … while people here are quite pleasant to me as a person, that I am American is definitely a strike against me. I've taken to saying, "Yes, I am American, but I am not Bush – nor do I support him." I'm not sure I'm a typical American and should be representing, but I think I'm more typical than him so it's good to present another side.

I've been very busy with hanging out. Mahmoud is letting me invade his life and everybody from his dentist to his 4-year-old nephew is taking care of me. I got women time yesterday and that was nice – his brother's wife's sister, an English teacher, invited me over for lunch and I stayed for many hours – culminating in a trip out of town to her parents' house and meeting several of the 8 daughters and 2 sons. The day before that we spent with the dentist friend who drove us out in the hills and stole fresh grapes for me (he insisted the field is his friend's). And always the men in the stationery store, especially Mamoon who spends time and effort teaching me Arabic. Which is a very, very slow process since I just don’t have any exposure before. Poor Youssef (the nephew) – he tries so hard to communicate with me, repeating over and over, more slowly, more loudly. Fortunately his older siblings understand that I'm just very slow.

Yikes, I just saw the time and have to go picked up by Mahmoud's brother's family for yummy mensaf. Hopefully I'll be able to come back and upload pics soon. And hopefully I don't break any more furniture – yesterday the couch I was sitting on collapsed! They insisted it's been broken for years and does that regularly, but I still now have the reputation of the house-destroyer. I think I'm relegated to the floor now.

hummus-fueled Tuesday

So, the good news is the food here in Jordan is really great. We just had "fuul" – which is like a bean dip – and hummus and falafel with pita. It's so wonderful to have olive oil and beans instead of palm oil and chicken of very sketchy origin.

Other good news is that if I only had a headscarf I could totally fit in here. My complexion is not much different from most others. And the clothes for women are really beautiful – the dresses are ornate yet simple and definitely ME-approved.

Less good news is that my sore throat is indeed a cold. I hope to flush it out with large quantities of Vitamin C and water and fruit cocktails (yum!! – as good as the liquados in Mexico City), but I am definitely spacy and out of it today. I slept about 16 hours last night. Had some excellent Arabic coffee in the lobby – the manager is very accommodating – it's like Turkish coffee in terms of very thick and boiled with grounds at the bottom, but with a nice touch of cardamom.

Mahmoud has brought me to the university area today, which is nice like a university area everywhere. We'll go on a little tour of the campus and I'm going to try to find some basic Arabic books. My interest in learning Arabic is stronger than ever, but I think it's the right decision to not stay here too long and get back for PhD work.

So, the Dayton-meter is in the dark orange zone today. Not the red of waking up beside him, but still strong. I tried our last night to pick a bad fight to feel better about leaving, but he refused to be baited by me. That’s a good thing.

Mahmoud was joking with one of his friends about being my private tutor, but maybe that's actually a good idea. It's so comfortable here and I have a good rate on my hotel room (50% off!) that maybe I should kick around for a month and do some minor trips, read all the books I brought, and study some Arabic for fun. There's no immediate hurry to return to the US, and when will I have a chance to be here again? Mahmoud is suffering from depression (he's had some pretty substantial hits recently) which has also manifested in some physical ailments. So far I'm good for helping with that, but it won't be long before he retreats again I think, so I need stuff to do besides hang out with him.

Another bad news – cigarette smoking EVERYWHERE.

OK, time to head out. Hope all is well with everybody. Oh, and Jenny and Michele if you read this – would you be willing to go to my old apartment and harass them? They owe me like $1,000 and only sent Susan $10! If you're willing, let me know and when I get more details from Susan I'll let you know.

in Jordan

This will be short, as Mahmoud's computer isn't working quickly and I think he's eager to try a new internet café. Just figured out how to shift the Word file from Arabic to English, and how to say thank you in Arabic and how to read numbers in Arabic and all sorts of things. A productive first few hours here in Jordan.

It's great here – like the desert of Riverside but with olive trees everywhere. People leave me alone – no marriage proposals yet. All the women I see are covered – with at least headscarves and often with burqa. Mahmoud asserts that's fine and I needn't feel uncomfortable, so I'll take his word for it.

It's hot here but not unbearably so. I have an interesting hotel room in an interesting part of downtown – surrounded by great, cheap restaurants and grocery stores. If on my own I probably would have stayed by the university, but this is a good arrangement for me and pretty cheap. Mahmoud's brother, a lawyer, is friends with the owner and he got me a 50% discount! No complaints! I might be able to find cheaper, but they're nice to me and it's good to have the connections like that. And I see lots of Jordanian women and families staying there, which makes me feel better.

We're going to talk about the traveling I should do – I want to go to Petra and some other archaeological sites, and maybe over to Egypt. Mahmoud's been sick so not very energetic, but he can certainly get me pointed in the correct directions. I feel like a total moron for speaking no Arabic, so tonight I'll study up some to at least get by better.

I think Jordan is Middle East-lite, like Ghana is Africa-lite. Nice introduction countries.

We just had a great lunch of the Jordanian dish – something like mensah – with rice and lamb and yogurt sauce. Very yummy!! Sorry Gail, I didn't have my camera to take pictures. I also wanted to take a picture of the street cleaner (would have loved that in the camp) and Mahmoud's brother's window sign "We do not welcome any American products" as protest against war. I was like, um, but I'm an American product. It's an interesting situation.

Wow, I'm really exhausted. I guess three nights with little to no sleep does that to me. I want to stay up at least until like 7 pm and then I can crash hard.

It's just so wild that I can travel a day and be in a TOTALLY different culture and environment. And it's so wild that I’m going to all these places that I've always wanted to. Ah, to be a woman now.

last night on camp

Just checked my flight status for tomorrow - all appears happening as planned. Fred will take me to the airport (he was the one who picked me up and I like the symbolism of it - plus, I'd rather say goodbye to Dayton in private) and Mahmoud will pick me up the next day in Amman, Jordan.

Last night Fred and I had a VERY INTERESTING chat which led to such topics as FGM (Female Genital Mutilation). He's had sex partners who both were and weren't and he can't tell a difference. ("You acknowledged the clitoris, I hope!" was my original statement, leading him to explaining why sometimes that's not the case.) I didn't know so many were done in Liberia. It was one of those moments of cultural discontinuity - I forget there are substantive cultural differences until something shocking is said and then it's like, oh yeah, this is another world. A world where I feel really comfortable usually, but sometimes strange. And Fred is always candid, but especially when alone with me and especially late at night. I'm learning it's pretty damn easy to manipulate Liberian men late at night.

The marriage proposals are rolling in at an alarming rate. Yesterday I got a long letter from Ellis, the carpenter working on the school, declaring his eternal love for me and his desire for us to be wed with Jesus Christ. Clearly not the man for me. A very nice hard-working man, and I just wish he'd been told I wasn't available to save him embarrassment. Or save me embarrassment?

Then today Joseph came to visit, to say good-bye. He finally accepts that I won't be his second wife, but so now he still wants to control me and insists I marry Morris. Now, I am extremely fond of Morris - we are very good co-workers and friends, and he will be invaluable for my dissertation research and hopefully later work. And I know he's more than fond of me, but he knows where I stand. But it's all cool - we can joke around and all that, and it doesn't hurt our friendships. Dayton told me to be more careful sometimes, and he's right. And because he's a Wonderful Man, that was a suggestion to me because I was upset rather than any kind of command.

It's bloody hot here - miserably so, with humidity. I have no energy.

Oh, the farewell program for me was so much worse than I anticipated - I almost walked out the 700th time Jesus was mentioned. And idiot Emmanuel has absolutely no clue of the work I did here (which is mostly my fault, since I stopped speaking to him) and was just talking shit and I would have kicked his ass right in front of all those children, but we're a peace school.

And just one of the many reasons that Dayton is the da bomb is that he takes care of all that shit for me. He defends me and makes Emmanuel stop being a stupid shit. He takes on my fights when I'm tired of them, and he's strong and fierce like me but a little more diplomatic. Go Team ME. And I really like how we communicate. And I don't just mean that euphemistically. But we'll be doing plenty communicatin' tonight, so it's time to go find my sweet, hot Kru man.

last Friday morning

I’m back at Eagle’s Nest, my original Internet café choice. There is a large marching band right outside the door which is apparently rallying the football (soccer) team. I could go back to CT.com café, but I hate the wait. It’s pretty amazing that there are three internet cafes at a refugee camp – this isn’t a sea of canvas tents and people waiting around for food distribution.

We got up really late this morning though we went to bed early (yeah, yeah, no comments) so I don’t have time to go back to the Awutu house to shower and get my papers, etc. I just have a half hour or so to loiter here while waiting for “the program” and then meet with the Education commissioner to run over some research possibilities. I clearly have bedhead, but it bothers Dayton more than me for me to leave in such a state. One morning I had to say, “Look, they are not going to kick me off the tro-tro because I didn’t wash my face and comb my hair today. It’s ok.” But funny to be fussed after.

Day before yesterday, Emmanuel told me there would be a meeting Friday at 10 a.m. I said that’s fine and I won’t be there because I hate meetings. He started to get agitated – “But, the management team requests your presence,” blah blah. “Who is the management team?” Of course I know the answer to that. Eventually he said, “Morris, Fred, Joseph, Madison …” “Yes,” I replied. “They are all my good friends. And they won’t force me to attend a meeting because I don’t like meetings.”

Well, I lost that one. I even tried to throw a temper tantrum at the office yesterday, but they all held firm and won’t let me out of it. So today shortly I have to go to the school for them to give some stupid-ass speeches about my contributions blah blah blah. I hate this shit. Morris said, “Yes, I know. But this time you must let us do what is important to us.”

I can’t believe I’m leaving on Sunday. It feels like home here. I can’t believe it’s only been a month. It feels like forever in many ways.

Lawrence pulled me aside yesterday – he’s been trying to have a conversation with me for days and I keep putting him off. Long-winded something or other. But once I figured out he wasn’t asking me for money or connections, I was able to hear his appreciation for my work with the school. He was very impressed with how I was able to make things happen. He is the one who always mimics me with “I want it NOW! NOW!” but he still has respect for how I organize and facilitate. And that’s just nice to hear from somebody not trying to BS me. I’m pretty proud of the school itself, but I think what I’m most proud of is the esteem the people I’ve worked with hold me in. It’s possible to be a taskmaster and still be loved.

Oh, now this is funny. I can get to my Hotmail Inbox but cannot actually read any of the messages. Sigh. My favorite recent message is from Gomez telling me the plot of a Golden Girls episode to make sure I’m not taken advantage of by a man speaking of marriage. You gotta love a gangsta wannabe who quotes Dorothy. And yay for Boom Boom, Jen!

Speaking of footballers, one last night was trying to pick me up at the tro-tro stop and he was super obnoxious. Made me really appreciate how tame and mild most of the pick-ups are. Becky is a little sad that she’s not getting all that attention, but I think she might be and just doesn’t recognize it as such.

OK, I’m just realizing I don’t really know how to get to the school alone – I always go with others. Maybe I should start walking now, and take my sweaty unshowered unpresentable self on over there. Ugh. I haven’t heard from Mahmoud, so I have no idea what Jordan will look like … I may be landing at the airport and be completely on my own. Ah, adventure.

busy crazy Accra & leaving Sunday

It is a lie that these computers are faster in the morning. I've been here 15 minutes trying to get onto Hotmail and Blogger, and it's still not there. ARGH. So, I apologize to all who have emailed me and I have not responded. Someday (soon) I'll have a faster internet connection and will be able to.

Yesterday I went to a World Bank forum on Gender Equity and Education as related to the Millenium Development Goals. Fascinating. Not so much what was said, as to watch the interactions and such. It was a worldwide teleconference with tables responding from NY, DC, Malawi, Rwanda, Uganda, Cameroon, and other African nations. Perhaps the most important thing I learned is that I'm ready to be an active member of these types of forums - I don't need more education or experience - I'm ready now to get off the sidelines and into the thick of it. Thanks to Fred for taking me along. Then we went to Osu's Food Court where I had a cappucino and chocolate pastry! It was heavenly. With all that caffeine and sugar I felt like my old self ... but I missed rice and greens. We went to the supermarket - the first time I've gone. Lots of white people and other expats around ... it was a little creepy. For all my joyful exclamations of, "Cadbury!" "Jam!" "Coffee!" etc., everything felt SOOOO expensive and unnecessary. It's as though my consumerism has been reset. Not that I'm ever that active of a consumer, but now I'm more frugal than ever. And always want to eat only rice and greens ...

I'm trying to figure out how to confirm my Emirates flight for Sunday - was at the airport yesterday but they couldn't help me and the number they gave me doesn't work right. Their website said that reconfirmation is not necessary, but that makes me nervous. Well, worst case scenario is that I have to stay a little longer, and that's not that bad.

Accra, where we were yesterday, is a crazy place - makes me appreciate the relative calm of the camp and village Awutu. I'm sure that if I were based out of Accra that it wouldn't bother me so much, but it just seemed uncomfortable now after the kick-back life here where everybody is genuinely friendly and helpful. Even if there is no jam available.

The school is running and I'm not even showing up anymore. I will stop by and pass along my email address and give best wishes, but I am detaching. No more yelling at PCO staff for not following through, no more frantic dashes about trying to coordinate everything.

So, I think I'm going to significantly change my plans. I want to finish my PhD, and I want to be back there for two terms this year to finish coursework and take exams and write prospectus and be back here in a year for research. So, shorten Jordan time and India time and be back in the States by Thanksgiving.

Any teacher friends - keep an eye/ear out for me for a teaching job starting in December!

And for the Dayton update - I think we're good. I told him if I leave that I leave and I'm not making promises of anything. I've eff'ed up too many long-distance relationships. But, we'll be in touch. He thinks he'll be able to join me soon - I'm skeptical of the "soon" part of that. But, I'm not stressing, and if it's meant to be it'll be, and I'll enjoy my last days with him here and hopefully we'll have many more together in the future. I'm glad he's so sane and calm - it's good for me. Becky and I made all these great industry plans for rebuilding Liberia - I love the idea of Dayton and I reconstructing Liberia through education and industry. Fair Trade coffee and chocolate! Yum!

Oh, I just got email from his friend Jackson. Crap. Enough said.

I have five minutes to post. What else? Enough for now.

Hope all is well with all. Thanks for all your input!

pic of Dayton & me

enamorada pero no casada

ARGH. Slow computers again. Maybe because it's evening hours. Hopefully I'll get on-line at some point.

OK, first of all, I'm not married.

Secondly, I don't recommend the spaghetti here at this refugee camp. It's ok when you're starving, but once that initial feeling is over, it's quite icky. But the bread can be good. TOO MANY SIMPLE CARBOHYDRATES. Today I thought there would be international volunteer revolt when there was no food to be found. I finally just left.

Back to the first of all, it's all a little confused. He wants me to take my trip and then come back here to get married - after he's taken care of all his responsibilities. There are several - his work, visa, getting his daughters, etc. But perhaps most important is ending his last marriage. As a traditional marriage - where the families met, exchange of kola nuts, etc. - he's responsible for her. And he knows she's with somebody else in Cote d'Ivoire, but he needs the closure of taking a family member there to her to say that the responsibility is over. Which is all the right thing to do, and what I want him to do. Of course.

OK, I've been here almost 20 minutes and it still hasn't signed into hotmail or let me post to blogger. This is how slow it is. I just asked the guy here and he said it's worst now. Of course. My luck. I was going to try to upload photos ... another time.

OK, but back to the first of all, anybody reading this will be shocked to know that I AM NOT A PATIENT WOMAN. I love Dayton, he loves me, we want to be together - so we should RIGHT THIS MINUTE. The more he talks about a few months to take care of everything - with us in "constant contact" - the more he seems enamored of it. He likes that he's encouraging me to do what I wanted to do - I can tell. Which would be great if it were something I really wanted to do. But now, I'm not as excited about spending four months learning Arabic or volunteering in a tsunami-ravaged area of India. Sure, I'd take a few weeks to follow my trip's plan, but I'm ok with going back to the US now and moving on with things. I've got dissertation ideas and other Important Things to do.

And maybe I'm just impatient. Shocking, that idea. Maybe when he sees his ex-wife they'll want to reunite. And honestly, I would of course not stand in the way of that. But I just want to know if that's what's going to happen. He thinks I'm crazy when I say it - he says he's totally sure it's not. But I want to know. I need to know - to be a Marc Anthony song.

ANYWAY, I had a nice 37th birthday. The girls and I went to the beach yesterday and had a great time at Kokrobite just kicking back on the soft sand and in the warm water. And ate some great pizza - the first edible non-west African food I've had in a long, long time. On my birthday, Dayton showed up at the crack of dawn to wish me a great day, and then later we spent the evening together. Very nice. Everybody at PCO is angry at me for not having a big party, but they'll get over it if they love me a fraction as much as they insist they do.

I know, all the "love" word flowing around sounds crazy - but it all feels real. Like family in a weird crazy way.

Anyway, I finally got on internet so better post.

I just suggested to Dayton that I stay a bit longer and we go to Liberia RIGHT NOW. He's not enamored of the idea, I can tell - he likes to "take time" to do things the right way. Is this my patience karma? haha

update to big plans

So, Dayton is a Christian. I know this. We talked about it early on and we're cool with it.

His pastors are not.

They just told us that if we get married, he is excommunicated and going to hell.

It's easy for me to just be like, "Whatever. That's so stupid!" But all of Dayton's family was killed in the war, his children in the Ivory Coast, and his church has been his family for the past years that he's been here. They are extremely important to him. I'm not just asking him to give up his life here (which he doesn't mind) and live in a totally new culture with me, a stubborn woman - I'm asking him now to give up his faith which has sustained him so long and so well. I'm asking him to sever the most important relationships in his life.

And then (now) I just said that he must be completely free of all doubts.

Needless to say, we didn't go in to Accra today.

What do I think the pastor problem is really? Well, of course I'm no fan of organized religion and I think it's all about control. AND in this case I think it's about money - they are buying a new generator and want large contributions. The pastor even singled me out in church and then asked Dayton privately how large my contribution would be (and Dayton said he wouldn't speak for me, and I reminded him that if I have money to donate that it's going to educational materials, certainly not a church generator). That pastor even closed this "conversation" - which felt like the Inquisition - by saying they wouldn't be swayed. That I am not a born-again Christian and it is therefor a sin for Dayton to be with me, and that's that. Yeah, right. Several million cedis would sway.

I have to give props to Jackson, Dayton's friend who was with us because he planned to go to Accra with us. He tried to defend me (he's Methodist and I had told him I was raised Methodist) - and then Dayton's pastors even said that if I were Methodist they wouldn't allow it. That I have to be a full member and believer of their Pentacostal church. (As I reread this paragraph, I start to see how much like a cult it is.)

I wanted to just walk out, but I could see how disturbed Dayton was by it all. All I had to do was lie and it would have been fine, but I refuse to. Ever. I said I respectfully disagree, that tolerance and acceptance and love for others is far more important than worshipping Christ, and that I will not ever be converted by them. That I am a good person who leads a life where I try always to do the right thing, and I do not believe that a belief in something saves my eternal soul.

UGH. It was a really unpleasant conversation. They can tell me I'm going to hell all they want and I'm not phased, but for Dayton - that's just wrong to do that. They said they appreciated my frankness and candor, and if Dayton disobeys he is dead to them. As we left, Dayton went to say hello to the pastor's wife, and I stood outside with them and each said they really hope they have the chance to speak with me more and get to know me better. Um, yeah. Speaking of hell, when it freezes over.

Anyway, so I left Dayton and said he needs a day to figure things out. I have to respect this situation - it's as though I'd met his family and they didn't like me. He has to decide what to do about it. So then of course who would I run into by Wesley, my shadow. He had good things to say - he's one of only two Liberians I've told and I trust him to keep quiet. Our friendship is quite strange but it works for us. Maybe the money that I thought I'd spend getting married myself I'll give to him to marry his very pregnant girlfriend, Sadia.

Wow, this is nothing like I expected this year to be. And, now I realize that if we do get married I really cannot leave him here - if the church disowns him they will also be attacking him, and I need to be around until he can get out. Sigh. How on earth did things get so complicated? Only a few weeks ago, he was just this guy I really like hanging out with.

Apphia was right. I shouldn't have blogged about it before the date was set. I jinxed it.

No, this is all really good. Challenges are good. Because if we don't get through this, then it wasn't meant to be. And if we do, then it is meant to be, and we are stronger. Either way, it's in the hands of the universe now - I will not try to convince Dayton any way. He has to make decisions alone, and he has to be absolutely sure. As for me, I'm more sure now than I ever was before, but I'll be practicing Liberian-style patience.

big plans

Apphia tells me not to post this until the appointment is set, but I don't know when I'll get to a computer again since I'm damn busy.

First, the school is moving forward - we have the principal hired and I'm handing responsibilities off to him. Also, working with Morris continues to be great - we work really well together and I really trust him to follow through with things when I leave - at least as much as he can. He's a much nicer, kinder, gentler person than I. I get things done because I'm like a bulldozer - but what's funny is that people still love me. They all keep asking me to stay longer, how much they'll miss me, etc. I know a lot of it is just being nice, but some of it is genuine. I fit in well - especially with the men. We joke and laugh and shout and it feels comfortable.

Um, speaking of men, here's the big news ... I'm going shortly to the Justice of the Peace in Accra to set a wedding date. I'm hoping for Friday because I figure if it's the day before my birthday I'll be able to remember it - plus, then the big birthday bash on Saturday could also be an announcement day. But, we'll see what happens there at the offices.

Yes, I know this all seems totally insane to people back home and I won't even try to explain. Three weeks is too short, all that. I won't be mushy and gushy. But I am certain that it's the right thing to do for everyone involved, including me and my commitment and independence issues. I miss him when I'm not with him, and politics makes it impossible for us to date longer. So, here we go.

And I have nothing to wear on my wedding day. Silly that's what I'm most worried about right now.

superspeed meetings

I just ran PCO school subcommittee through the fastest damn meeting they've ever experienced. I was blunt and quick and we booked right through. I make no friends, take no prisoners, and we get a hell of a lot accomplished.

Last night was Gillian's last night ... wish I had my camera as it was a very good time for all. The only glitch for me was when Emmanuel didn't want to go to the agreed-to place (The Red Kitchen) and wouldn't tell me why. He rambled on and on saying nothing and I turned to Dayton and asked him to interpret the bullshit and he could. Good skills. Valuable skills. I'll definitely keep him around - that may be able to keep me from committing violence on the director of the peace organization. There was some drinking and dancing and laughing. Too loud music, but I'm just old I think.

A funny thing was when we first got there and some slightly-crazy guy was trying to say something to me that I couldn't understand and Wesley just emerged from the shadows to say quietly into my ear, "Don't mind," and led me away. Wesley is the mystery drummer and cultural liaison who somehow quietly and respectfully attached himself to me - appearing when I least expect it. Though, I did expect it this morning and he didn't let me down. He showed up and stood for a long time and then eventually said he wanted to show me something. I met his very pregnant girlfriend and brother, whom he said he had told much about me (what exactly would he have told them? We've never had a conversation) and said he wants us to celebrate our birthday together next weekend and offered his house and I could invite whomever I want, etc. That was so sweet and touching. I was planning to go out of town that weekend, my last possible, but now I feel like I should stick around. How cool that we have the same birthday - and just an interesting relationship anyway. (There was a minute when he introduced me when I thought, oh crap, they're going to encourage polygamy too - but he's never been like that, and they were going to church. He's just ... he's so incredibly hot that I can't imagine women not throwing themselves at him regularly.)

Every weekday morning on camp there are early morning devotions at 4:00 AM! It is horrible! I thought I was waking to a nightmare with the drumming and then chanting and singing - and I'm sure there was dancing, too. Who the hell sings and dances at 4:00 am to start their day celebrating Jesus? Craziness. So, I'm running on little sleep, making me testier than usual. Yesterday PCO staff was talking about how they really don't want me to leave, how could I extend my time, etc. And it was sweet and touching and surprising - Madison started it, and I am usually not very nice to him. "Yes, but you're lively!" Crazy. In some ways it feels like I've been here forever.

I just sprained my ankle again - same ankle. I try to walk carefully. Sigh. Pain.

OK, I think I want some mango, yum. It's the best mango here I've ever had. Ever. And the open sewers are there to really enhance the flavor.

quick!

I am at the other internet cafe because everyone said it's much faster. It's not.

Otherwise, all is well. Plans for school move forward - we hired some really good teachers, and I have the contracts ready for signing. We plan orientation for next week, for school to begin September 13th. It's all very crazy.

We're also really hoping to find a school in another country that would adopt the school. Particularly to cover teacher salaries - we're looking at a need of $1,000 - $2,000 per year to pay salaries that meet camp standards. Additionally, it would be great to start student information exchanges, support, etc. So, I'm brainstorming.

We got a couple new volunteers and they seem nice and not naive, but they're both home sick today.

Joseph finally believes that I'm not going to hook up with him. Was it my insistence that I would never hurt another person, particularly his wife who is my friend? No. Was it my insistence that coworkers sleeping together is a bad thing? No. The only thing was to tell him who I have been seeing - suddenly everything changed and I'm off-limits. Good grief. Men are the same everywhere??

It's been rather hot here - and very humid - and I'm tired of smelling like sweat. It seems I get clean for only a short period of time before I smell so bad again. Oh well. Soon enough I won't even notice it anymore.

Well, my time is running short here already so I better hit post.