update to big plans

So, Dayton is a Christian. I know this. We talked about it early on and we're cool with it.

His pastors are not.

They just told us that if we get married, he is excommunicated and going to hell.

It's easy for me to just be like, "Whatever. That's so stupid!" But all of Dayton's family was killed in the war, his children in the Ivory Coast, and his church has been his family for the past years that he's been here. They are extremely important to him. I'm not just asking him to give up his life here (which he doesn't mind) and live in a totally new culture with me, a stubborn woman - I'm asking him now to give up his faith which has sustained him so long and so well. I'm asking him to sever the most important relationships in his life.

And then (now) I just said that he must be completely free of all doubts.

Needless to say, we didn't go in to Accra today.

What do I think the pastor problem is really? Well, of course I'm no fan of organized religion and I think it's all about control. AND in this case I think it's about money - they are buying a new generator and want large contributions. The pastor even singled me out in church and then asked Dayton privately how large my contribution would be (and Dayton said he wouldn't speak for me, and I reminded him that if I have money to donate that it's going to educational materials, certainly not a church generator). That pastor even closed this "conversation" - which felt like the Inquisition - by saying they wouldn't be swayed. That I am not a born-again Christian and it is therefor a sin for Dayton to be with me, and that's that. Yeah, right. Several million cedis would sway.

I have to give props to Jackson, Dayton's friend who was with us because he planned to go to Accra with us. He tried to defend me (he's Methodist and I had told him I was raised Methodist) - and then Dayton's pastors even said that if I were Methodist they wouldn't allow it. That I have to be a full member and believer of their Pentacostal church. (As I reread this paragraph, I start to see how much like a cult it is.)

I wanted to just walk out, but I could see how disturbed Dayton was by it all. All I had to do was lie and it would have been fine, but I refuse to. Ever. I said I respectfully disagree, that tolerance and acceptance and love for others is far more important than worshipping Christ, and that I will not ever be converted by them. That I am a good person who leads a life where I try always to do the right thing, and I do not believe that a belief in something saves my eternal soul.

UGH. It was a really unpleasant conversation. They can tell me I'm going to hell all they want and I'm not phased, but for Dayton - that's just wrong to do that. They said they appreciated my frankness and candor, and if Dayton disobeys he is dead to them. As we left, Dayton went to say hello to the pastor's wife, and I stood outside with them and each said they really hope they have the chance to speak with me more and get to know me better. Um, yeah. Speaking of hell, when it freezes over.

Anyway, so I left Dayton and said he needs a day to figure things out. I have to respect this situation - it's as though I'd met his family and they didn't like me. He has to decide what to do about it. So then of course who would I run into by Wesley, my shadow. He had good things to say - he's one of only two Liberians I've told and I trust him to keep quiet. Our friendship is quite strange but it works for us. Maybe the money that I thought I'd spend getting married myself I'll give to him to marry his very pregnant girlfriend, Sadia.

Wow, this is nothing like I expected this year to be. And, now I realize that if we do get married I really cannot leave him here - if the church disowns him they will also be attacking him, and I need to be around until he can get out. Sigh. How on earth did things get so complicated? Only a few weeks ago, he was just this guy I really like hanging out with.

Apphia was right. I shouldn't have blogged about it before the date was set. I jinxed it.

No, this is all really good. Challenges are good. Because if we don't get through this, then it wasn't meant to be. And if we do, then it is meant to be, and we are stronger. Either way, it's in the hands of the universe now - I will not try to convince Dayton any way. He has to make decisions alone, and he has to be absolutely sure. As for me, I'm more sure now than I ever was before, but I'll be practicing Liberian-style patience.