I love to teach

It's the strangest thing - I simply love teaching. It makes me happy and healthy. A couple years ago my blood pressure was taken during vacation and it was actually higher than when retaken the second week of school. 8th graders are good for my health. But not just 8th graders - I dig the students I have now for the GRE prep course.

Yeah, yeah, I know it's a GRE prep course. But it's more than that - I'm teaching them about being a graduate student, and I use phrases such as "meritocracy myth" and "social capital."

It's really strange though, in a way, to teach these students - they're mostly all pretty damn focused. I tell them to do homework AND THEY DO IT. Shocking. Not the case at Sierra. Also, I don't have to explain EVERY LITTLE THING. They know how to use dictionaries, will ask when they don't understand, etc. It's fantastic! Because it's a prep course I need to stay pretty simple, but I can imagine how much fun it would be to do this with an education course. They even are kind enough to laugh at my stupid jokes and to respond appropriately when called on. They come in and sit towards the front of the room, and are on-task and all that. They ask me things like, "Is it all right that I did the homework this way instead of this? It's more helpful to me this way." Um, yeah. It's more than ok. Do whatever works for you.

I'm going to have them teach more, too - going over the assignments and all that. They will protest - they are shy. I can count on a couple volunteers each time, but these are not 8th graders with their eagerness to perform. Though, already they're more participatory and willing to do such things. I just have to create the environment where that's the expectation. Since they all plan to be academicians, most will probably pursue a professorship with teaching responsibilities - and the more practice, the better.

Anyway, teaching is much fun. I forget how much when I'm not doing it. But I'm probably deluding myself when I think of a future career that does not involve teaching. Something about the synergy of active engaged learning - it's such a high. And to be the catalyst - what a rush. I like to be pushed and challenged, and there's nothing like a roomful of people to do that for me. The charisma is a fundamental part - letting each student feel that they have a relationship with me, even when I don't feel that way. So that when they need to ask or speak, they are doing so within a comfortable context rather than to a cold stranger.

But it also takes a lot of energy - it strains my voice, saps my energy reserves. When I first started teaching, everyday I felt like I'd been hit by a large truck - everything hurt. Now I get into the groove much easier, but still, the first few days are always exhausting. So, I should take a nap before calculus! What a great life this is.

Oh, I emailed the economics office about studying undergrad economics, and they said I needed to talk to the college. So I described my situation and made an appointment; when I went there today, they said I needed to go to undergraduate admissions. So I walked over, signed in, and they said, "Oh, go to immediate outreach" (undergraduate admissions). So I did, and waited while reading an interesting article about portrayal of American history, and then spoke with Malcolm who said he couldn't help me and said I needed to talk to the department.

I'm glad I was able to keep my sense of humor intact - and everybody was nice along the way, so it wasn't difficult. I said, "That's fine Malcolm, but let's chat anyway." And he was very helpful, as was his officemate (a former UCR econ major). Malcolm says I'm insane, that I should finish my PhD and take a few econ courses along the way.

So, I still don't know what to do, but that's ok. Today I think, come back to UCR and work on PhD while simultaneously taking math and econ coursework. I'll talk to Doug (advisor) and see his ideas. I dunno. I did find in my running about today that there are gazillions of hoops to jump through. I most certainly will not take freshman English courses - I tested out of them 20 years ago, and 15 years ago, and I could easily teach them. I won't take any "breadth" requirements that seem silly to me. So, with this attitude, it does seem far better to just take the damn classes and not worry about a second BA. Shrug. I dunno.

Maria (supervisor with the teaching) wants me to come back to teach it again next year, so was happy when I told her the possibility I might. She also said there's the possibility to find me other work, so that's a good thing to hear. Being a permanent student is costly.

What I learned from the LSAT ...

"There's something I'm missing. Look again."

OK, maybe I learned it from "Mystery," which I've been watching on PBS lately. Inspector Lynley is hot, and Miss Marple a hoot. (I only get PBS on TV; well, that a Korean channel - last time I watched it, I got a little crush on Yi Soon-Shin.)

But I think it was those analytical puzzles on the LSAT - the ones that are solvable but not easy. Look again, you missed something. So many times I said that to myself. (Though, not aloud, because THAT WOULD BE RUDE IN A TEST SETTING!!)

Now, with my Sudoku addiction, I say it regularly still. And just took a calculus test and had to say it again. Stared at a question for probably 20 minutes, came back to it, kept staring. I KNEW I knew how to do it, but couldn't think of the solution. Then, it came to me, because I was missing something.

I'm thrilled with this new LSAT wisdom. So, maybe it wasn't about law school at all, but about just learning that. Good grief - that's a lot of time and money just to learn that! Well, I guess I'm a slow learner.

Today, I think ECONOMICS.

Paul sent me this:
"watcha doin this wknd, wanna go to vegas, see red hot chilli pepprs"

That was it.

My first thought was, "Yeah, I wanna go." Never been to Vegas (hate crowds, neon, gambling, commercialism) and never been really to a real concern (hate loud noise, spending money, see above about crowds). But Paul doesn't know all my strange quirks - knows hardly any of them. Seems it'd be the perfect person to go to Vegas to a concert with - one who cannot tell how miserable I am and only doing something because it's novel and discomfiting and so I can say I've done it once and never again.

Maybe I'll go, maybe I won't. Either way, it's fun to think of myself as though I'm back in my undergrad days, with time and energy to burn. Hell, maybe we'll go to Tijuana and get tattoos, just because we're young (well, he is, as I'm sure his friends are) and we can.

Buduburam needs help: Computer Training Program

Help! I have no idea where to get donations and such - any ideas? Much appreciated!
***********

Hello [ME],

I hope you are well.

Some time ago we wrote and submitted a computer training project to an organization called north star foundation but we have not heard from them.We requested refurbished computers,etc to help us train and empower Liberian refugees with employable skills to will enable them contribute to the reconstruction of their war/ravaged country (Liberia).The need for this project is urgent. Could you please look around to see if any organization will be interested in helping refugees in this direction?

I can send a copy of the proposal to you right away if you want me to do so.

Emmanuel G.V.Dolo

LSAT sigh

Got my LSAT scores - even worse than expected. I scored 165 the first time I ever took it - with no prep. I expected to score around 170 after the prep, based on my practice sessions. Instead, I scored 161. This is 84th percentile. This is bad, and I am displeased. The first section - Reading Comprehension - was more than twice as bad as the others; in practice, I rarely missed any on it. The entire deviation between my expected and earned score is a result of the distraction.

Oh well. Life goes on, and I'm not going to Yale Law. I could probably insist that they cancel my score, but I'm not around a testing center to take it again later. I guess this mediocre score will stand, and maybe I could still get into some ok schools. [The problem is that law schools only really look at undergrad GPAs and LSATs. Mine are ok, not fantastic. All the college courses I took when I was in high school - driver's ed, photography, etc. - I got Bs in because I thought they would never matter and I had other things to focus on. And then there was that horrible first semester in college, and a summer O-chem course that kicked my ass - when they tried to curve a 94% to a C+. So, a 3.7 or so overall. But they don't count my master's degree (4.0, and not easy) or my current PhD (which would be 4.0 if two villian professors did their jobs properly).]

If law school is what I want to do at all. I think so, but I'm not sure. I'll apply to a couple schools, a couple other grad schools too for policy, and see how I feel early next year when acceptance/rejections pile up. I'm meeting my qualitative professor for coffee on Tuesday, and she thinks I should "be committed" to this program. Maybe I'll let her convince me. It just doesn't feel like ... enough. I don't think I'll leave this program prepared to do the things I want to do.

Anyway, I'll worry about it all later. I'm back to calculus, and derivatives are just SO MUCH FUN. It's like little puzzles to fit together, and the practice has made me fast, and it makes sense to me what I'm doing. It's more than just "the chain rule" or "the quotient rule" - I play around with the proofs and such to get it fairly deeply. All the rest of the book looks more like that than the evil first two chapters (which assume prior knowledge I did not have), so it should be a very fun July to work with that. Now I just need to go back and really master chapter 1 for the upcoming test. I had this moment of, "Hm! Maybe I want to study mathematics instead!" But number theory doesn't appeal to me - I like the problem solving, not the theorizing.

It also makes me reconsider the whole economics fiasco (which I started and then dropped this year). It was all calculus in that class that I didn't understand. I thought the prof was making up shit, but I just didn't have a firm grounding. Or a grounding at all. I also didn't have a firm grounding in economic theory, so I was struggling in a major way. But I could get that.

If I wanted to do anything, I think it would be much like Anil Deolalikar, the grad advisor in the econ department here. His CV is miles long of interesting projects and reports on poverty and education and health care - the things that really matter to me. I would love to have a position at a university to teach and then consult like this - with World Bank, --

OH good grief. I just did background searching. I could finish a BA in economics at UCR in a year and a summer. Probably. And then a PhD is another five. I don't want to spend all that time - I just want to spend a couple years and then slide into a life like Anil's. Sigh. I keep coming back to economics ... Wonder if I could get accepted straight into a PhD program without the undergrad background. Hm ... And wonder if I could get full funding for that.

Law would be fun; I know I would like law school and enjoy practicing for awhile - but I know it's not for forever. Doug, my advisor, points out regularly that I'm an intellectual whether I like it or not ... and I fear he's right. I want to analyze, but I want relationships with institutions that actually create change. Ivory tower alone is not enough for me, but I fear not ivory tower is also not enough.

Mini-Adventure

Me to answering machine: "Jenny, I need a mini-adventure! If I don't take care of my needs now I'll end up in ... El Salvador! Help!"

Jenny: "I got your ... message."
Pathetic? Oh yes.


But I knew I could spin gold from the wheat chaff here. It took a little while - all she really wanted to do was curl up and watch Netflix and eat salad. But now we're headed off to Fry's, with a mission. I need a card for my digital camera; she needs computer speakers. Yes, we could get those things at the Target only a mile from her house, but where would the adventure be there? I need to cross city limits - going to Anaheim can only be a good thing (unless it involves those fascists of Disneyland, which is never a good thing), and I've felt strong desire to go to Frye's ever since I saw it on the freeway. Is it worth the 80-mile round trip? Ah, for the adventure of it!

Now, if this adventure were to take place with Sabine, we would only eat and forget where we were headed. We've done that more than once - planned an outing around something, stopped for lunch or dinner, and completely forgotten about the planned outing until back home hours later. We generally don't go places just us anymore for that very reason.

When people ask me why I love southern California, I say:
1. Ethnic diversity - interesting people from all over the world
2. Climate - 9 months out of the year, this place cannot be beat
3. Shopping adventures galore!

Now mind you, I hate to shop. Hate it. Passionately. Hate to spend money, hate to own things, all that. But for an adventure, I will do anything. Something new, someplace I haven't been - it's a joy, a pleasure. Most of my life, that has not been an option. In Elim (another nice picture here), for example, there was no shopping to be done. If I wanted to see something new, I had to hoof it out of town and hope not to be mangled by moose or beaten by bears; and after two years of those regular jaunts, there wasn't too much more new to see (unless I was on the back of a snowmachine, but those damn buggers are so effing loud, and I cannot be trusted to drive one myself - students had to rescue me more than once, and we all decided it just wasn't a good idea). We would spend $120 RT plane fare to Nome (the only way to get there) and be so excited about grocery store shelves. I realize now that Nome only has 4,000 people, no movie theatre - but in contrast to Elim's 300, it's a thriving metropolis. There were strangers there and places I hadn't seen.

Now I can't get enough of that novelty. Which makes adventure-seeking with Jenny a little difficult, because as a Pisces she's much more about the comfortable and known than I am. We spend a lot of time at Ikea, for no really good reason besides their macaroni and cheese and interesting paraphenalia which tell a good sex story if you know how to listen. There is an Ikea cult, and we are fairly regular worshippers.

It's blowing off steam, to take these mini-adventures to new lands and department stores. It's not so much fun anymore to get really drunk, to hook up with hot strangers, to break the law. I want to feel good tomorrow - ready to to do calculus, without a hangover, a stranger to contend with, or a "permanent record" - but I want to do something DIFFERENT now, something that creates new synaptic pathways. But, I'm old. I'm boring. I'm like a little old lady all excited and wearing her new hat to the grand opening of a bus station, pointing out the neighbor's choice of a different color tulip this year. "Why Gertrude! Those bulbs you added in this year are spectacular!"

It's those little things that get me going now. The big adventures, I still have them - isn't that the title of this blog? But the mini-adventures, they are pleasing.

Multi-Stop International Airtrek discount coupon

Hey, anybody need to book a multi-stop international airtrek? I can recommend airtreks.com AND I can give you a discount coupon for $50.

I got home just a couple minutes ago and saw a note from FedEx delivery person - I wasn't here for my tickets. Sigh. But then there was a knock at the door. He had returned! Woo hoo! So, they're in my hands. I'm really going. Wow. I need to look 'em over and all, but it looks all in order.

And then I start to think of all I have to do before then, and, well, it's a little overwhelming. But I will manage; I always do.

It's bloody hot out there - smoggy, too. And the A/C in my new office doesn't work - which is a good excuse not to hang out there much. I really like everybody where I work, which is very nice. It helps that I've been there at the graduate division since January - everybody knows me, trusts me, etc. My supervisor's supervisor (sort of) saw me in the hallway and said, "If you need help finding anything or whatever, just let us know and we'll help you however we can." She realized she sounded kind of silly - I know where everything is of course. But, it was touching how supportive and helpful that is - it both acknowledges that I'm doing something new and that I have established rapport. I said I want to keep all the keys I have (now I have keys to three different offices, plus conference rooms, etc.) until I leave, and she reluctantly agreed(I'm only supposed to have for just one office - of course). Not that I like having keys - but it's nice to follow the A/C and functioning computers on hot days like today.

I gave the diagnostic GRE to my students yesterday and it was interesting ... I have my work cut out for me. I think it'll all be good. And in calculus, we moved on to derivatives which are my favorite - Alan, economics TA from last year, taught them so thoroughly that I feel like I'm speaking a fluent foreign language. So, less overwhelming in calculus. But, upcoming test, and I want to ace them all. So, much work to do this weekend.

My head feels like it's in a vise ... maybe I'm just dehydrated. Hopefully. Time to go drink gallons.

Tickets on the way!

My airplane tickets for MEEWT were fed exed today ... soon it will all seem so ... real.

But until it really is real, calculus and teaching a GRE prep course are going to KICK MY ASS. Holy shit this calc class is moving soooooo fast and there's so much work. The instructor is cool; I like him. He's friendly but not sleazy; he makes real-life applications without dumbing down. And I like ANY teacher who says to me, repeatedly, "I'm so glad you asked that question!" Because I told him I have limitless questions and he said, "Limitless? See! Already you're thinking calculus!" He's kind of perky, I realize as I write this. I was scolding myself for silly errors with adding incorrectly and dropping signs, and he patted my arm and said, "You know what that means? You're thinking like a mathematician instead of an arithmetician." And I thought that I was the spinmeister - he may be coveting my title. Anyway, I can tell he likes our class - we seem pretty bright and engaged, which I know is not always the case at the community college. I got asked to join a study group which might be a very good idea - if only to learn how to really use this (borrowed - thank you!!) TI-83+. I keep turning to the person beside me saying, "How do you ...??" They're all so damn fast with those buttons and I'm like, "Excuse me! Just picked one up yesterday! Slow the hell down until I know where to find the damn menus!"

I'm glad it's a short class - six weeks, I think. That doesn't give me much opportunity to ask myself, "What the hell am I doing in here??" There is no real reason for taking it. Oh, sure, I think it helps with the stats and stuff, which I'll be doing if I pursue the ed PhD. But it's not necessary really - nobody would require it. No, it's because I think it sucks that I've forgotten things I learned 20 years ago - so the stuff that's worth remembering, I'll relearn. Sigh. And maybe I'll fight off Alzheimers in the process.

What else? Um ... hot today. Very hot recently. Ah yes, summer in SoCal. Still refuse to turn on my A/C because I'm a cheap bastard. I figure I can always go work in a library or someplace already air conditioned on my way to class.

The GRE class will be interesting - all very nice people; I can tell already that I will enjoy spending three days a week with them, and I think it's a good program. And they're very knowledgeable about the importance of the GRE for their future career options, so they will be engaged and have very high expectations for me. I give a diagnostic tomorrow and will plan the syllabus around that - focusing on verbal (especially vocabulary) and writing. I think I'll take it with them too, just for fun - and suggest I excuse anybody who scores higher than me. Heck, scores within a standard deviation of me? Maybe ... Anyway, I want to retake the GRE when I've finished the teaching and the calculus - my goal is a perfect score. That would be cool, just because I'm a nerd (as Gail and Shelton - and Gomez - are quick to point out).

Almost in Hong Kong ...

I got to have a cross-cultural this evening at Shelton's congratulations for graduating dinner - between Gail's family and extended family and Shelton's family and godmother, I was the only non-Cantonese speaking fool in the place. Everybody was so nice, and the food was delicious, and Gail put in an ooooollllddd Jet Li movie with English subtitles (Lord of the Wu Tang) - ah, the power of the Chi. Gail's father and I talked gardening as we always do (it's amazing what he can do in that backyard!), and I heard Alice's tales of life in Hong Kong (excellent English! And a very hip, cool godmother indeed!).

Someday when I learn Chinese (though I'd probably go with Mandarin - those Cantonese 7 tones scare me!), I will thank Gail's and Shelton's families ... and Jet Li!

If somebody could promise me that all my time in China would be so pleasant, I would be getting my plane tickets to there right now. Gail wouldn't tell me what everything was I was eating, but that's ok - very delicious!

It's funny - I was never really that interested in Asia before a few years ago. But Gail has gotten me very interested in China (and just wrote on her blog I'm a "reverse twinkie" haha), and a former Korean friend got me interested in Korea (when he said I didn't understand anything about the culture, it inspired me [or ticked me off enough] to learn something- and I'm not really sure which word the "former" is modifying, honestly), and Raci this summer from Cambodia, and ... well, now the list goes on. Everyday people really are ambassadors of cultural understanding. And I do love southern California for opportunities to meet so many different kinds of people.

Passport in hand!

So happy - the "mail-lady" (her words, when she called to check I was home) just brought me my passport back. Woo hoo! When I sent it in for my Ghana visa (all visas are glued into the passport, making it necessary to mail it away, making me so nervous), I expressed my concern that their 3-month visa wasn't long enough for me, so could they please make it a year?

Instead, they made it for three years! Woo hoo! I love the Ghanaians today. They gave me a B-2 visa ... I don't know what that means, but according to their webpage, it looks like an "official" visa instead of a tourist visa. I'm official? That's entertaining. I hope the disease-carrying mosquitos recognize my official status and keep their blood-sucking away from my vicinity. Chris, who leaves for India next week (woo hoo for him!), was telling me of an acquaintance who went to Guinea, quite near Ghana, and died quickly of malaria. Yes, I have anti-malarial medication which I will take according to directions, but I hear the West African mosquitos are particularly dangerous.

Ah crap. I just looked up my malarial medication - doxycycline - it's an antibiotic, which I always have reactions to ... crap. This sucks. "Side effects of doxycycline therapy include photosensitivity (which necessitates the wearing of hats and sunscreen preparations), nausea, esophagitis and monilial vaginitis. With care, most of these side effects can be minimized. Consequently, the daily doxycycline regimen, although cumbersome, is still feasible. Doxycycline therapy is contraindicated in pregnant women and children less than nine years old."

I guess it's still better than death. Or, I remember in college seeing my friend Deanna with a recurrence of malaria - very nasty stuff.

Pasttime

I need to stop reading the newspaper! It always leads me to new ways to pass time! The new evil thing is Sudoku - it's a much fun puzzle, using numbers 1-9 within the boxes and rows and columns. Took me a while to do this first one, and got a nasty headache in the process, but now I fear I'll spend much time doing it. Think I'll print another one out now!

Yes, Shelton, it was fun hanging out with you guys! And Mr. and Mrs. Smith is an enjoyable flick (with a body count high enough to please Gail). Sure, let's have that hellfire conversation sometime - but not today! As you know, my Cantonese is non-existent ... and I don't want all the women in your life ganging up against the token white girl! haha Most excellent congratulations on your graduation!

BTW, Gail, the voice of the marriage counselor: William Fichtner.

Mail is good!

What a great day! My camera just arrived - forwarded from Susan - and yes, it's very cute. And Amy just called and my visa had arrived there, so she's forwarding it on to me now. Woo hoo! I can stop phone stalking the Ghana embassy now!

But, I also make very bad choices. I had this cupboard with shelves that I had decided to give to Sabine and her new roommates. So today I cleared out everything in there and proceeded it lug it out and down the stairs by myself. I wrenched my shoulder - very bad pain - and back - which will be ok. I kept hoping Noah (neighbor) or Jose (across the way maintenance man) or Leo (neighbor) or anybody else would come by to give me a hand - but no such luck until I was trying to balance it up into the truck bed (by then I'd broken it and it was falling apart) and some nice young man I've never seen before was walking past and offered a hand. (He's Black. Not that that has anything to do with anything, but I'm going to start pointing out race for all positive things - to offset the news only doing it for crime perpetrators.) I am so stubborn once I've made up my mind, even once I realized it was a stupid thing to do alone. Sigh. The shoulder's been a problem for over a month now, and it has me a bit worried. Should I go to the doctor? But, I don't want bad news. So, like my truck and battery corrosion, I will shut the figurative hood and maybe the problem will go away.

I am officially right now resigning my position from Riverside Unified School District - the human resources person emailed and reminded me to take care of that. Sigh. It's sad. I actually really love my district and my school - not just the people, many of whom I've become close to, but also the institution has really nurtured me professionally. I'm proud of RUSD - for being the first large school district in the nation to voluntarily desegregate many years ago to its success now with challenging populations. I know it's not perfect, but it has heart and really does care about kids and their learning, and my three years in RUSD (well, especially after the first year) were a very positive experience in many ways.

Oh, and another earthquake about an hour ago. That's two sizeable ones in a few days ... if I were back in Elim people would be sure the little people would be marching from the hills to announce Armegeddon. Noah said something about the ground opening up and hellfire and I just nodded. I find discussion and arguments revolving around hellfire don't seem to be too productive. BUT, this afternoon/evening I'm out with Gail and Shelton - and he can be as argumentative as I, so maybe we can start with a hellfire discussion for sport. :-)

**************
Just an hour later - and more mail! Books I ordered, not scheduled to get here until next week. Wow!

Sabine called about the earthquake and asked where I was, what I was doing. Actually, I was singing Cake's version of "I Will Survive." And when the ground was shaking and things started falling, I just kept on singing, while moving under a threshold.

And my shoulder hurts bad my right arm is fairly unusable. Which is not good. But better here and now than later and elsewhere. Quite entertaining to try to shampoo with one arm only. And putting on/taking off a bra - quite difficult.

Sudanese refugee story in LA Times & language dilemma

Nice article in LA Times today on a Sudanese man's tribulations before settlement in the U.S. Well-done in part because it focused on his search for his mother, with the horrors of the past 20 years or so as informational backdrop.

When I talked to Karen's classes about the Liberian refugees at Buduburam, what made the most sense to some of them is when I said: "It's like this. Somebody comes running to the school and says that the surrounding neighborhoods are under attack, and we see the airplanes and hear the destruction. We take off running toward the desert, and all you have is your backpack and the clothes you're wearing. And you can only hope that your family will be going the same place as you, or you may never see them again."

I'm not a fan of simulation games, but empathy is powerful - and the closer the experience, the more the empathy can be tapped. Hotel Rwanda, fantastic movie, in part for that reason. (BTW, interesting article on Romeo Dallaire, commander of the UN Peacekeeping mission at the time, and his lifechanging reaction to the horrors.)

About MEEWT ... I am not sure what to do March through summer. I would really like to go to Vietnam, Korea, Uganda, and China, but I'm not sure. I was reading about Georgetown's Global Law Scholars program and they require proficiency in a second language. This seems reasonable, but despite my accumulation of languages I couldn't really say I'm proficient in any right now - either they're forgotten due to lack of use (German, Russian) or I never attained that level (Spanish, French).

I think Georgetown is my first choice of law school. Despite over $50,000 in debt EACH YEAR, it looks like a perfect fit for me on many levels. Of course, if my LSAT scores are as bad as I think, I don't have a chance. Georgetown also has a part-time evening program, so I could go back to teaching and that would pay many of the bills, allowing me far less debt. That is a very tempting idea, though the GLS program requires full-time. Oh well - it's all a dream now.

Anyway, though, it made me realize I do need 2nd language proficiency, so I should probably go to Peru or someplace and take a couple weeks of classes to enforce my verb tenses and such, and then volunteer with Spanish-speakers to solidify. But right now I feel such strong desire to work with African issues, that French seems a better choice. Unfortunately, I cannot find a French language school in Africa - and I'm not going to France or Canada. Mostly because I cannot afford it - it costs about 10 times more than the same opportunity in Ecuador. And for French I would need more time.

I wonder if I would have time to do both - two months in Latin America and two-three months in Francophonolandia. If only I could find a good place for that. Because even if I just live in a Francophone country in Africa, often other languages are used as well and I wouldn't have enough practice opportunity. Hm. Maybe it would be worth a really intensive month in France or Quebec. What to do, what to do?

Great news, speaking of Francophones - Jenny now officially is a lecturer at UCR in French. Woo hoo for my peeps!

not to Oregon

12 hours from now I was supposed to be in my truck driving north. Instead, my truck sits in Moreno Valley, waiting for a new battery cable with less corrosion. So, upon reeducation by the secretaries, I was going to aggressively find myself a new battery cable and make my truck ready for tomorrow ... but on my way home I thought, "Is this a sign? That I shouldn't be driving there? Will this save my life by not being in a horrible accident?"

The trip kept getting shorter, and I'll be there in a month and a half for a good two weeks. So, I guess I'll save the gas and not go. Not see Lara's newborn baby on June 16th. Not see Mahmoud and talk about Irbid. Not see Ashton as a toddler, no longer a baby. Not see the puppies. Not help Stephen clean out the garage where he offered to store my truck. Not drink coffee all day with Amy. Not go hiking with Susan. Not hear about Avery's last days in kindergarten.

Opportunity cost. I guess I'll have a very quiet week ahead - no plans, since my plans were to be gone. That will be ... interesting. Have I ever had such luxury? Wow. How many books will I be able to read? This may be somewhat delicious after all.

I still have one more assignment - due today - to finish, and then I am F - I - N - I - S - H - E - D. Sweet. I want to watch movies and hang out with friends without worrying about other things I'm supposed to be doing. I want this assignment done, but it's making me crazy. Oh well. Just do it. Done is what counts.

LSAT trauma, response for Gail

To respond to Gail (Gummy), I'll write of my LSAT adventures though they are not related to MEEWT.

Everything was going so, so well - I found the testing place easily, I was in a great mood, and then I got assigned a table that had a comfy chair even. Life was good, I was going to kick LSAT ass. A woman was assigned to sit beside me, she was friendly, we chatted. A great day. Birds were singing, flowers were blooming - all was good.

And then darkness struck. This friendly woman READS ALOUD. Section one for me was Reading Comprehension - usually my very best section; I usually miss very few in practice. But it requires focus, as the passages are about a half page long and the questions not usually obvious - rely more on inference. Which takes concentration. Which I could not do with her muttering right beside me.

I didn't know what to do. First, it took me quite some time to figure out what was going on, and I was looking around (losing time), trying to not look like a cheater. Then, I tried clearing my throat a few times. Then I even said "shh!" twice. Nothing worked. It was a dilemma. If I tell her to stop talking, I run the risk of being accused of cheating by proctors, plus I'll disturb others around. And it probably wouldn't make her stop - either she was doing this unconsciously, or it was so important to her process that she would continue anyway. If I moved, it would disturb others; and most people need every minute on every section.

By then, time was short (35 minutes for about 26 questions plus the reading, and I'd had to skip most the questions the first time through). I felt this panic - good grief, should I cancel my scores? But I can't retake the test later because I'll be out of the country and not near a testing center.

So, I guessed on almost all of them. I could do the obvious questions and guessed on the rest, and was quite upset. As soon as that section was over I told the proctor I had to move and why, and she recorded that on the information going to the testing service.

I sat next to somebody - didn't look at them really, just sat down and apologized. Then was section 2, the logical reasoning section, which is my least favorite. And I was still upset, wondering if I should cancel my scores. I appreciated the quiet, but was not at my logical best. Section 3 was another logical reasoning section (they have two of those), and I was annoyed with that section, but more focused. Section 4 was another logical reasoning (one of 2, 3, or 4 was a section they test and norm and then run as part of the test later) , and it seemed really, really easy. So, maybe it was good that I got stuck with three sections in a row and I got better, and hopefully the two I happened to do best on are the ones that are counted. Section 5 was the "puzzles" section, and I FINISHED in the time allowed! Woohoo! I took several answers that I thought were right rather than taking the time to fully check them out, so I probably missed a few, but I actually did all of them, and that was my personal goal - all the practice really paid off. Then was the writing section, which seemed pretty straight-forward hopefully.

The test took longer than I expected and I didn't make it to the last session of my "Theory and Research in Schooling and Social Inequality" class, which bummed me out. I liked that class and I learned a lot. Plus, I always talked a lot in that class and that would have helped me focus on things other than LSAT. Academic discussion as salve?

The best part of the day, besides doing ok on the puzzles and being finished, was the person I sat next to when I moved - Moises, a Korean-Brazilian who speaks flawless American English. We had enjoyable conversations, and he was so very, very kind. He shared his timer with me, which was more helpful than I'd expected, and apologized for shaking the table when erasing, and we talked about Sao Paulo and Brazil (where he says I MUST go) and Alaskan winter darkness, and he was just really nice. He reminded me a little of James, my roommate from this summer whom I was fond of. And he used the word "homeostasis" correctly in conversation and had a pretty green Brazilian passport. OK, at that point of the day, I was just actively seeking a silver lining and was going to find something positive to get me over my frustration about the beginning, but I'm glad Moises was there to oblige.

So, there is my long response, Gail. I'm sure that the pencil bag you gave me which I kept on my desk was what got Moises to speak with me - you know, that I'm in touch with my inner-Asian, for the world to see! :-)

And now, I have today to finish a very important paper - for my qualitative methodology course. I have a splitting headache which will hopefully go away with more coffee. The paper is supposed to be around 20 pages ... and I'm on page 36 and not finished. So today will be citing more theory succinctly and hacking out large passages, which makes me very sad. I really like this paper from my field research - it's about the dilemma-managing culture of teaching, including responses to standardization and NCLB. I really liked doing my field research - it was a very positive experience in a positive place. But I still know that I don't want to do qualitative research for the rest of my career. It's like teaching - I love doing it, but it's not what I want to do forever. It's like the beginning of a Nina Simone song: "Gotta lot of living to do before I die; ain't got no time to waste." So many different things to do in this lifetime!

So, the lesson of yesterday? First, I learned that I am resilient. Things can bother me but I get over them - it's a story now, not an injury. Secondly, it was humbling. I ain't all that - a little distraction can make my intellect crumble - and just because I'm prepared and ready doesn't mean things will happen well. Thirdly, I put my faith in the universe. If I'm meant to lawyer, then things will work out and that will happen. If not, then that's ok and I accept that. Fourthly, there are really kind, cool people out there in the world that I don't know yet. Who was it that said a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet?

Northern Uganda

Today in LA Times, article with photos from northern Uganda. See photos at latimes.com/uganda - some very graphic images. But they are not gratuitous and instead portray an honest representation of the horrors committed by the Lord's Resistance Army led by Joseph Kony. The horrors committed by the LRA are shocking - the torture and maiming, the focus on kidnapping children to serve as soldiers and sex slaves. An entire subculture has emerged in northern Uganda of child night commuters (who must leave their homes each night to seek refuge in a large city, to avoid being abducted) and refugee camps that are essentially prisons because the LRA waits for anybody to leave in order to brutalize them - favorites are to cut off all fingers, lips, and ears.

This summer in DC I heard a priest from the Acholi district of northern Uganda speak, and he made a compelling argument that Kony is not so much a rebel leader as a madman - and should be captured and tried as a war criminal, not brought into political discussion.

Digital Camera

It was so pretty, and on sale, and now it will be mine. How could I turn down lime green?

And I love the people where I work. I went into the office and said, "Should I buy a digital camera?" And YES was the answer, except Tanya who made me talk through in terms of where I'm going. Secretaries always know answers. They always can tell me what to do, and they're always right. I love secretaries.

So now hopefully everything works out, because I had the camera shipped to Oregon, where I'll be leaving to next week. And my visa too (though, the visa is shipped to Portland, and the camera shipped to Eugene).

US Postal Service

For visas, Express Mail is trackable. Where in the world is my passport? I can log in and find out. And delivery by noon the next day. Kinda cool, for $13.65.

The postal worker helping me has worked there for 29 years. That's a hell of a long time, and he didn't look that old. Somehow that piece of information led to me learning that his father changed jobs a lot, there's a trust fund in the family, etc.

Gomez tells me I'm a qualitative researcher to the core, but I do not concur in general. I do, however, about interviewing and how people will tell me just about anything. They'll tell just about anybody just about anything, but I actually find it interesting and listen usually.

Mail to Ghana - very expensive!! But, I think with the M-bag, at $1 a pound approximately, I can afford to mail a bunch of books. If I can get donations of books for the Learning Center at Buduburam, then I'll front the postage. That's off to a great start - Karen at Sierra has books to give me, plus offered $100 from Scholastic books. Thanks, Karen!! I emailed the principal at Sierra and asked if I can put a general announcement in the bulletin about it - Sierra people are generous folks. Even if people just put in a few dollars, I'd be able to get quite a few books from Scholastic and other such places. And of course no pressure - I'll be able to round up probably enough (need 200 for the M-bag).