new blog

Hey, I'm starting a new blog. Please email me and I'll send you the URL - don't want to blanket publish it here.

life goal

I need to get my French and Spanish very good, then refresh my German and refresh/improve my Russian. If I then learn Arabic, that will be six languages.

And then? I'll be sextalingual. And that just SOUNDS cool. (I'm of course not sure that's the right word, but I'm keeping it!)

(Oh, and I forgot on last post - one of my students CAME BACK! YAY! He was on the run from the cops for something I don't want to know about, but his diligent stepfather found him (in Miami!) and got him back. The kid came by my classroom yesterday to tell me when his stepfather drove him directly from the airport to reenroll him - then he went home to crash. Hopefully I see him today and every day!)

reunion

Having a hard time justifying going to my 20th high school reunion. It would be SO MUCH FUN - it sure was last time.

But, the flight would be about $800, plus $100 reunion fee, plus hotel and car rental (I don't really know anybody who still lives there - at least, I'm not really in touch with people and don't want to be like, "Hey, wanna save me a couple C-notes by letting me crash with you?").

Because, all that gets me a trip to Mongolia, or a trip to and month in Senegal. Or trip to and several months in Mexico.

I know some people see these as big trip, but I see trips across the world while dodging passport-page-wasting-visas as big trips.

Alas. It makes me sad, but I guess I must forgo. Sigh.

The Kyrgyzstani invaders are not here now ... making me worry, of course, that they'll come storming back at midnight. My poor students, putting up with my exhaustion and sleep deprivation. I'm trying to be even-tempered, but I have to take at least partial responsibility for their slow-like-molasses progress. Rowdy 5th period today for the first time EVER was SILENT. For a sustained period of time - like 15 minutes. It was amazing. It wasn't necessarily good (they should have been working together), but it was such a little piece of heaven that I almost kissed each and every one of them. I said, "Thanks so much for sharing this beautiful moment with me," and Spitfire said, "See how you love me," and then others were like, "No, she loves me more" and the golden silence became only a beautiful memory. (BTW, I realized that getting angry at Aztec Boy is amazingly effective - he hates it when I'm angry at him. No more will I hold back from that.)

I have one kid from 5th who is The Agitator - gets everybody else all fired up and in trouble. Anyways, at "brunch" today Security Guard 2 (he's great, but not as incredible as SG1) asked who he was, and he wasn't hanging where he usually does outside my classroom. They are planning on stalking him because he leaves school right after my class and they want to see where he goes and calling the cops to issue truancy tickets - you know, like poisoning the whole termite's nest. So, 5th period Mr. Principal Man calls and says, "Answer this without letting him know we're talking about him. Is The Agitator there?" Then right after school Security Guard 1 yelled accusingly across the quad to me, "What's with your boy The Agitator?" I whispered, hey, this is all on the DL man, and besides, he ain't MY boy or MY problem. And he was like, "I don't care! He's a pain in my ass!" Which, Mr. Cool Security Guard #1 simply DOES NOT SAY.
But, it's true. The boy needs a smack-down. Little agitator. Why does he have to stay for MY CLASS every day? If he's going to skip, why can't he do it BEFORE my class?

Why? Honestly? Because I make sometimes more than 10 phone calls a day to get kids to my class. Today it was about 7 parents, "La clase comienza y su hijo/a no esta' aqui. Donde esta'?" I heard about lots of flat tires and incorrect start times and all sorts of BS.

Too many of my students won't have a high school graduation reunion to consider attending because they won't graduate. Sad. Though I don't believe the stats that say 30% of kids or more don't graduate - I've never been in a district who had anywhere near that kind of drop-out rate. And I teach the toughest kids.

wasted lives

Three of my students are up for expulsion for drug and alcohol-related incidents. One, my favorite cholo, had a positive for marijuana urine test. Another didn't go to mandatory counseling. Another drank vodka at school (again). That's 3% of my students in one week. Damn.

The first one is the most difficult for me - we were doing great. I didn't realize until today - he is probably the reason that class was so great for me. For whatever reason, he decided I am the only cool school person that exists, and he's the toughest guy in there. Nobody messed with me and nobody messed with him.

I miss him. I miss his willingness to tell me when I'm wrong from his perspective, and his willingness to politely at least appear to be listening to me when I tell him he's wrong from my perspective.

It didn't help his case that he cussed out Flanders.

He's a great person. I hope his life is not wasted.

Kyrgyzstani invasion

Finally, about 11:30 pm, I got out of bed and asked roommate's boyfriend to keep it down a little bit (they were excitedly talking loudly RIGHT OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM).

He introduced me to the 'rents, visiting for his wedding this weekend.

"I forgot how to say 'nice to meet you' in Russian" (perhaps because I WAS ASLEEP). He couldn't remember either - but he speaks really fluently, so that was just on the spot and between three languages. (Now, of course, I remember)

But the look of glee on those people's faces when I said even just a few words in Russian - it was like real crabmeat at the Protestant old people's buffet. "She really speaks Russian!" they said to each other, immensely relieved - what with being thousands of miles from home and knowing nobody speaks Kyrgyz (related to Turkish, unrelated to anything else just about - and I know not a word). Of course I got grilled about WHY I speak Russian and why so well (which, it's not - again, if I stick to phrases I've said 100,000 times, then I sound good - but otherwise, it's a struggle to remember anything - and those gears clicking in my head are audible).

So, Tami if you're reading - it's YOTL for me wherever I go - even just outside my bedroom.

And now, I"m so tired, and off to another really, really long day. Yawn.

detox

Last week:

Breakfast: orange juice, coffee (not good), eggs, bacon, potatoes, French toast w/syrup
Lunch: turkey & American cheese on white bread sandwich, chips, cookies, Snickers (for snack)
Supper: salad (not fresh iceberg), mixed vegs (boiled, with margarine?), lasagna, white roll
Dessert: cake

This week:
Breakfast: shredded wheat with skim milk (will be soy when this runs out), one cup excellent coffee
Lunch: salad (spinach, cabbage, carrots, cauliflower, broccoli, Persian cucumbers, sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, Goddess dressing, chicken breast)
Supper: sweet potato (baked), banana, hummus w/whole wheat Naan, carrot-strawberry-tofu smoothie
Dessert: cocoa (organic, with skim milk) - it's chilly here!

OK, maybe last week's meals don't LOOK that bad - but trust me, they were. White bread in particular seems to really just wipe me out. All that sugar - it was icky. Therefore, I gained 5 pounds. Now I'm not dieting, just trying to feel better. I can't eat junk food any more - those days are over. It makes me feel icky, very icky.

Anyway, met with 2nd home instruction kid today, and he was a normal kid. Well, normal to me - strange yeah, but not aggressive and crazy. He's smart and worked hard and was enjoyable - as was his mother who said my Spanish is "muy bueno". Maybe I should start believing people when they say that - yesterday when I was making about 10 phone calls home during class to tell parents their kids were skipping, the looks on my students' faces = priceless. "Damn!" I heard them say, "She speaks really good! We can't never skip now." Which, I don't speak really good. I don't think. But, like the mom said today, she understood everything I was saying (and we were talking about all sorts of things) and I understood 95% of what she was saying. Knew lots of Spanish words the kid didn't.

Strangest comment today from a kid who just came back from a mental hospital: "You shouldn't be a teacher here. I mean that in a good way. You're too cool to be teaching here." This after I scolded his homophobia in the office.

Strangest comment yesterday from a co-worker I went to Aggressive Behavior Management Training with: "I miss spending time after school with you!" Why strange? Because the class wasn't fun. I also really enjoyed her company, but I still thought it funny how she said it. And she is the only Latina teacher and I actually respect her, so that was meaningful that she doesn't think I'm full of shit.

Strangest rant by me today, provoked by a kid calling himself a "nigga killa": "If you continue to let rich white men keep you hating Black people, then you will be stupid losers. As long as Black and Brown people and poor people in general don't work together, there will only be oppression and those evil guys are laughing their asses off. Don't be such an idiot."

Doctor didn't return my phone call. I'll try again tomorrow. The only time I can call is when she's at lunch. Loser. I woudl switch to a different doctor, but I think I'll switch to no doctor. I just want to know what's up with my tests that I already did.

VERY VERY STRANGE dreams last night - that I was sleeping in a house where we were gutting. Like, I laid down to sleep while we were gutting. So I kept waking up thinking (maybe shouting) "I'm here! don't hit there!" And I kept moving stuff and would wake up out of bed. It was SO REAL, it was creepy. Workfriend says it's repressed trauma from last week, and I agree. I mean, we just went in and did what needed to be done, helping people out who couldn't do it for themselves for physical and emotional reasons - but on some level it must have affected us as well. Maybe that's why I slept so poorly there last week. Hm ...

doctors suck

Today I went to the optometrist. He hit on me. It was disgusting and uncomfortable. And even with insurance new glasses would cost like $300 (with the UV coating and all that stuff I need). What's with that?! And he was incompetent, completely - there was no health survey of any sort. I'm at really high risk for glaucoma and macular degeneration, and he never asked and certainly never tested. Well, at least I had an incredibly awesome doctor two years ago and she said it's all good.

Then I just got a card from my doctor's office saying "We were unable to contact you by phone regarding the following."

First of all, that's bullshit. She has left no message. There has been no try to contact.

Second of all, this card tells me that blood tests and pap smear results are abnormal and "need to follow up in 3-4 months."

Yeah, right. It'll be like my thyroid - with more follow-ups I'll know I'm fine and "it has to be watched." I think I'd know if I'm sick. And if there are cancerous cells or something else - why on earth 3-4 months?

All this bullshit does is agitate me - just tried to call the office to leave a message it wasn't possible. Fuck this shit. I'm leaving the country!

I knew I didn't like this doctor - she doesn't tell me things, and she doesn't listen well. She's not horrible, she's just not really good. My last doctor was SO DAMN THOROUGH, but at least I trusted her. This one, I don't trust. When I was last there, there was blood in my urine and she told me to give another sample. Which I haven't done. Because I'm really busy and driving way the fuck across town with a cup of pee - it's not in my schedule.

Maybe I really am sick and maybe it's something significant. But then I certainly deserve way more respect than a card!

Next time I have the urge to get a physical, I will stop myself and remember that they're mostly all quacks and it will just be a HUGE WASTE OF MY TIME.

I just made a carrot juice-strawberry-tofu smoothie (Tami-inspired) - and it's surprisingly good!

Well, at least if I were to find out that I have terminal cancer, then I wouldn't feel bad about chocolate milkshakes every night.

Oh, and I'm supposed to go way far away to get an ultrasound for fibroids. Why? To know they're there? So what? I know they are, sometimes I can feel them - so why would I have to drink a gallon of water and drive far away and wait in a waiting room and get gooed up just so that I can then pay more money to go back to the doctor for her to tell me that I have fibroids and to "watch them"?

Here's what the web says:
"Uterine Fibroids, or uterine myomas (short for leiomyoma), affect more than 30% of women. The terms fibroid and myoma are used interchangeably. Most fibroids do not cause symptoms, and do not require treatment. Fibroids may require treatment in the following circumstances:
Fibroids are growing large enough to cause pressure on other organs, such as the bladder.
Fibroids are growing rapidly
Fibroids are causing abnormal bleeding
Fibroids are causing problems with fertility."

Of course I have fibroids - 1 in 3 women does. And most don't require treatment. Sometimes there's pressure on my bladder from them - but I STILL have to urinate less often than most people. And an ultrasound will not tell me that they are growing rapidly. Maybe that's why there's blood in my urine, but I'm not losing much blood. And yes, I do think they cause problems with fertility, but that's ok. I like this quote: "Vaginal probe ultrasound only takes a few minutes to do, is not uncomfortable, and rapidly provides invaluable information if the examiner is experienced in looking at uterine abnormalities."

Yeah, right. You want to stick something up inside me and tell me that it is not uncomfortable? Let me shove it up your ass and you can tell me how comfortable it is, Mr. MD.

OK, now I'm all riled up. I pity the fool who answers the phone there tomorrow.

Why

I am a freak.

I got a list of the kids coming back from GED-prep (the ones I sent there) and about half I put into my class.

After class one of the kids asked why I'd sent him to GED-prep, giving his laundry list of reasons it was unfair.

It was actually a fairly good conversation. If I were them, I would rise up in protest against me instead of privately asking to talk to me. I would picket and boycott me and call me the bitch.

Instead, that doesn't happen until the next class period - they act like 3-year-olds. I have about four kids who are really great, four kids who are really obnoxious, and the rest "go to the dark side so easily" (something said once about our kids, and so true).

8 more Fridays ... though, I overheard the principal talking yesterday about me teaching summer school and I winced and turned to him and was like, "Um, so, like, I can't get out of that? You need me?" His answer was pretty good: "Well, of course you can do whatever you want, but yeah, we need you."

I was going to apply to Tulane law school because I heart NOLA, but I think I will officially make it The Year Of Languages (as Tami & I designated it) and not do anything that isn't non-English. And, if I do TYOL, then I could teach summer school and not let them down.

Oh, had my first home instruction session yesterday - the kid was a pain in the neck. Just wanted to talk about fighting and how he ditches school. And I'm like, "Dude, you can't ditch this, I'm sitting at your kitchen table." And honestly, when I just laugh at his whining and protests he was fine. He actually wrote a pretty good narrative, and once I helped him with planning it was pretty hands-off. It's just exhausting doing this one-on-one - more for him than me.

Pics from St. Bernard Parish

The X's show the date checked and 0 bodies found.
Here comes the team with tools: Larry, Jeff, Melanie.
After the doorway was cleared enough to enter, Maria got to work. (Yeah, that's a bridge there, that we had to cross to get into the house.)Same doorway, the next day.
Nearing the end, Stacy brings back the wheelbarrow for another load. Behind her is the debris that we removed so far.


Many houses for sale in the parish.

leaving New Orleans

Overheard in a bookstore at the New Orleans airport between two salesclerks: "And he didn't even talk with me, he just came in here all a-blowin' like a trombone!"

Seen walking from Bourbon Street back to the car: A man riding slowly on a tandem bicycle, a boombox playing jazz on the back seat, he wearing a very dapper hat and red shoes, drinking from a wine glass.

That, friends, is why I like New Orleans. The metaphors and the juxtapositions of class. And the cafe au lait.

Last night in NO was spent cruising the French Quarter with Tami which was much fun. French Quarter Festival was in progress, music everywhere (though I get the sense that's usual), and yummy food stands so I had crawfish & goat cheese crepes.

I was extremely tired after a week of little sleep and very hard work so my NO perceptions are blurry, but I noticed a really strong African and African American presence (which, of course, I like much). I also noticed much revelry.

Leaving camp - not hard. So happy to not be sleeping on a cot in a military tent. Did enjoy time with security officer Charles, who suggested I apply for a job there - he takes home about $10,000 a month for that job and it requires little effort. Also did enjoy the company of all I met and I hope to see them there again.

Today is laundry, laundry, laundry and naps. Yawn.

Day 4 in St. Bernard Parish

Day 4 began on at 3 am - woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. Functioned fine today, however - must be ALL THE SUGAR.

Headed over to the mess hall at 6:30 for coffee & grub (eggs, potatoes, pancakes today) and then met up with the team at 7:15 for a bus taking us to the site. Our team leader decided to take her rented van, so I said I'd go with her and we got later to the site since we stopped for gas and sodas (Diet Dr. Pepper to fuel the troops).

Once we got there it was a day of ripping and gutting. Moldy sheetrock is my nemesis. The grossest part was the pantry I cleaned out which included dead rodent(s) and various unrecognizable crap. Blech.

Lunch was the usual - sandwich, chips, cookies. Plenty breaks throughout the day to keep hydrated. It's hard to do that because it's a hassle to take off the mask and antibac hands and all that.

We didn't finish the house today. I think we could have if we were better coordinated, but it is what it is and we still did fine work. We still have a room or two to get through - and a California King bed with a huge sturdy frame which will be really tough.

I really want to come back this summer for a few weeks. The camp facilities would get annoying, but it's such rewarding work. Talked a lot with neighbors today - all really nice folks who had some interesting stories.

I also want all my friends to come with me! And all their friends!

Most interesting stories? Last night from a security guard who was a prison guard - that prisoners were drowning in their cells and couldn't get out. Today from a person who knows several people who were evacuated to the Superdome - the violence there was so horrible including child rapes and murders - such horrible things that are never broadcast.

Our workday ends at 2:30, when the bus picks us up and toolboy waits with the tools for the tool pickup. We all smell really bad then, so we rush back and stand in line for the showers. The worst are the boots, for standing in Katrina sludge, but I'm not leaving mine here because they weren't cheap and they're really good boots. I've been so happy several times for having steel-toe, steel-shank boots - as well as a hardhat. Started off the first day with a pipe falling on my head, and I could hardly feel it. Yay purple hardhat!

Hey, so Jordan is looking like a possibility ASAP though. Just got email back from Mahmoud's brother's wife's sister who asked for my CV and says as a native speaker I have a great shot at a job there at the German Jordanian University where she works - she asked how soon I could start. I also just got email from a woman I met in Jordan - the one I almost visited, but she wanted me to stay four days I was leaving sooner than that.

I could be cool with Jordan. It's a mellow place and I like it, and I would learn so much Arabic so quickly because it's not an English-speaking place really. And as long as I had holidays to travel, that could be cool. I just don't know how long I would want to stay.

But anyway, things are good here - lots of hard, hard work.

Tonight I volunteer at the community kitchen, serving food to the needy. A guy today just said to me, "You can only do so much good." I laughed and said, "But there's so much other crap I have to make up for!" So, off to it.