Have I mentioned that I hate my job?
But it's a definite "It's me, not you" situation. Today we had staff development, which does not suck to make $140 in three hours of sitting there eating pizza somebody else bought, and I do like the people I work with. Oh, I think there are too many white people and that's a big problem, but they do mean well. One guy, who I thought kind of avoided me, asked, "How are things going? It seems like you fit in really well right from the beginning."
Maybe I did. And I do appreciate all the complimentary and supportive comments I got from others today. They appreciate me, and that's always nice. One even insisted on hugging me.
But I hate showing up, I hate the shit I'm required to do, and I hate the time it takes away from me reading about Liberia - or being in West Africa.
Today they said a week-long training is required right after school is out. That's $1,000 which is way nice, but that would shorten my time in Africa by one full week if I were to go for just the summer. I would only have 8 weeks in the field.
I guess that makes up my mind and I can't return next year.
Walter, my Salvadorean vato, asked today, "Are you stressed?" Yeah, I am. "Please don't be stressed." He's a way-cool kid (in good and bad ways), and he's always concerned about how I'm doing. I am too stressed about my job because my district is FUCKING STUPID. And my administrators don't do their job, and so ALL this shit is falling on me, and I have fucking meetings every day after school AND I need about 100 more hours to catch up on things - but I'm taking a full courseload of classes and preparing for exams AND prospectus and I need to go to Africa for a few days within the month. I don't have those 100 hours to spare - and I'm not going to. Because it's stuff I don't care about - like WASC accreditation for the school and forms to fill out and shit to report in to them. Bullshit. I'm a teacher in my classroom, not a cog in the district machinery.
And I hate my job, despite the really valiant efforts of both my students and my co-workers to make that not the case. And there are 17 more Fridays. And I just ate a jumbo chocolate muffin (what is that, like 700 calories?) to numb the pain, because I don't even want to start drinking tonight. Too much to do.
But it's a definite "It's me, not you" situation. Today we had staff development, which does not suck to make $140 in three hours of sitting there eating pizza somebody else bought, and I do like the people I work with. Oh, I think there are too many white people and that's a big problem, but they do mean well. One guy, who I thought kind of avoided me, asked, "How are things going? It seems like you fit in really well right from the beginning."
Maybe I did. And I do appreciate all the complimentary and supportive comments I got from others today. They appreciate me, and that's always nice. One even insisted on hugging me.
But I hate showing up, I hate the shit I'm required to do, and I hate the time it takes away from me reading about Liberia - or being in West Africa.
Today they said a week-long training is required right after school is out. That's $1,000 which is way nice, but that would shorten my time in Africa by one full week if I were to go for just the summer. I would only have 8 weeks in the field.
I guess that makes up my mind and I can't return next year.
Walter, my Salvadorean vato, asked today, "Are you stressed?" Yeah, I am. "Please don't be stressed." He's a way-cool kid (in good and bad ways), and he's always concerned about how I'm doing. I am too stressed about my job because my district is FUCKING STUPID. And my administrators don't do their job, and so ALL this shit is falling on me, and I have fucking meetings every day after school AND I need about 100 more hours to catch up on things - but I'm taking a full courseload of classes and preparing for exams AND prospectus and I need to go to Africa for a few days within the month. I don't have those 100 hours to spare - and I'm not going to. Because it's stuff I don't care about - like WASC accreditation for the school and forms to fill out and shit to report in to them. Bullshit. I'm a teacher in my classroom, not a cog in the district machinery.
And I hate my job, despite the really valiant efforts of both my students and my co-workers to make that not the case. And there are 17 more Fridays. And I just ate a jumbo chocolate muffin (what is that, like 700 calories?) to numb the pain, because I don't even want to start drinking tonight. Too much to do.
posted by NOLA at 4:41 PM
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