Dayton's mother

Here's the story:
In 1990, when Charles Taylor's rebels took over most of Liberia, they came to Dayton's family (and 10% of the population). His father was a minor local official, and his uncle had been President Doe's press secretary. The rebels killed Dayton's father, and when Dayton's mother was upset and wouldn't stop crying, they took her away.

The assumption, of course, was that she was killed horrifically by them (raping older women was a particularly culture-destructing activity encouraged by rebel leaders - it destroyed the tradition of respect for elders and women - and once a 14-year-old boy had done that, he had crossed a line and couldn't go back).

But I always wondered, and thought once things stabilized in Liberia we'd contact the UN or other appropriate organization to try to find her.

Here's today's email from Dayton (in its near entirety, with a little spell-check, and bracketed comments by me):
Yes it is good to be back home and meeting my mother that I have not seen for the past 14yrs plus.That was a big suprise for me for this coming new yr.
I left Ghana on tuesday along with Bismarck, we were at the airport almost the whole day to get on the plane so I didn't have the time to email you.

When I got at the airport I met a relative of mine who immediately told me that my mother is in Monrovia and has been thinking about me all of the time and would be glad to see that I am in town. Guess what, I also met two of my brothers.

My mother was happy to see me, she explained a long story to me about how she was treated by some rebel fighters who took her away to some part of Sierra Leone in one of the villages and was forced to married to a father of one of the Sierra Leonian fighters who was fighting in both countries.

So right now I am meeting with the parents of Patricia [the mother of his children] and some of my relatives, interestingly my mother and my two brothers that are here will help in the process [of traditional divorce].

I will be going to Ivory Coast on tuesday of next week, I learnt there are lots of difficulties in getting to where they are because there are lot of check points where you will have to spend lot of money to get through.But by the grace of God I am surely going to get through.

I am facing a lot of pressure from Patricia's parents about the whereabouts of their daughter [she's in Ivory Coast because she joined him when he fled after rebels tried to kill him - and according to traditional marriage, he has responsibility for her - her parents 'signed her over' to him and to annul the marriage he needs to give her back or she needs to communicate she's happy where she is because she has remarried]. But however, I am taking it very easy with them.

Sorry I do not have a phone, I left my phone because it had screen problem, u can not recognize anything on the screen so, I did not bring it to Monrovia.

I will email you again before I leave for Ivory Coast.

I miss you.

My analysis/reaction:
Wow! His mother is alive and what a story she has to tell! I cannot wait to meet her!

Dayton is her only child, and I know he was really spoiled. His father had 6 wives, hence the brothers. One of the side effects of polygyny (polygamy with multiple wives only) is that the family is fractured - mothers look out for their own children and children gang up against the others from different mothers. He may have felt that way because he was the only one from his mother, so he didn't have brothers to watch his back. (Or sisters - African girls are tough, despite the gendered appropriateness.) He and his mother were very close, and she made tremendous sacrifices to provide him whatever he needed.

So, while I understand that his mother's presence complicates our own relationship significantly (what will she think of me? will she come live with us? how will our relationship be? what sort of grandmother will she be, and will I be able to convince her that corporal punishment is not the best discipline strategy? will he revert to a spoiled teenager in her presence? is she a good cook, and will she make all my favorite foods?), I can only be thrilled that she is now fine, and I can't wait to meet her.

Oh good grief, I just realized I wrote this like an academic text: intro, source, analysis. Man, it's time to finish the damn PhD already - it's distorting everything about me.